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“Why didn’t you?”
“I—I couldn’t. It was wrong. Bad. I wish I could change things, but I can’t. I…” She sighed and fought the urge to break down altogether. “I just can’t. Not now.”
He blinked and looked away toward the window that was open just a crack. Outside, thunder rumbled over the hills, and rain began to drip down the windowpanes. Blue growled from the living room. With a swipe of one hand Josh wiped the tip of his nose, and as Katie touched him he shifted, using his shoulder as a shield, silently shunning her.
They were only inches apart, but the distance between them seemed vast. Unbridgeable.
“Josh—”
“Leave me alone.”
“Honey, please—”
He hopped to his feet, winced from the pain in his ankle, then skewered her with eyes filled with hatred. With a condemning finger pointed at her nose, he whispered his newfound mantra: “You shoulda told me.” His voice cracked, and Katie’s heart shattered into a million pieces.
“You’re right,” she admitted, standing and wanting so badly to fold him into her arms. Here in his room where model airplanes, books, CDs and magazines had begun to be packed into boxes for the move. Boxes of memorabilia that his father had never seen. A soccer trophy winked in the harsh light from the overhead fixture—a trophy Josh had never shared with his father. How had she been so selfish? She’d denied her son his right to know his own dad. Just as she’d been denied the knowledge of her biological father. “You’re right, Josh. I made a mistake,” she admitted, “but I can’t change anything now. I can only let you meet your other grandparents—your father’s parents. They want to see you.”
“Just leave me alone.” His chin inched up in rebellious defiance, and his cheeks were wet from his silent tears.
“Listen, Josh—”
“I said, leave me alone.” He snagged up the yearbook, and Katie told herself she had no choice but to let him sort through his feelings, whatever pain she’d inadvertently hurled at him. She swallowed hard. “Think about it.”
“I don’t want to talk to anybody!”
“Okay, okay, I’ll let you be,” she said, knowing he needed time to adjust to the bomb she’d just set off in his life. “But Grandma’s coming over and—”
“I don’t want to see her,” Josh insisted, reaching for the remote control and clicking on the small television set to a decibel level guaranteed to shatter glass. “I don’t want to talk to anyone.”
“You might. Later.”
He glared at her with red-rimmed eyes that were filled with silent, deadly accusations. His chin wobbled, and his back stiffened in some vain attempt at manhood.
“I’ll be in the living room. When Grandma gets here, I’ll send her in.”
“No.”
“Josh—”
His lips compressed, and she held both hands up as if to fend off an attack. “Okay, okay, bud, I’ll give you some time alone, but I think we should talk this out.”
“I don’t want to talk to you or Grandma or anyone.”
“We’ll see.” She walked out of the room and jumped as the door slammed behind her. Clearing her throat she headed for her desk and told herself it would all work out. Of course Josh was hurt, disappointed and angry. Of course he wanted to scream and cry and mourn for a father he’d never known.
She sank into her desk chair and sighed, stirring her bangs.
And of course he was right. She should have told him the truth. Years ago. But she hadn’t. Now, it seemed, they would all have to pay the price.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Of course Josh is upset,” Brynnie said, rummaging in her purse for a pack of gum that, it was advertised, would cut down her need for a cigarette. She tossed her keys, eyeglass case, coin purse and wallet on to Katie’s table before she found the gum. “Who wouldn’t be?” She opened the pack and shook out a stick. With a longing sigh for a smoke she’d sworn to give up, she plopped the gum into her mouth.
Katie swiped at the counter haphazardly with her sponge. “I should have told him about Dave. No. Reverse that.” She rinsed the sponge at the sink. “I should have told Dave about Josh.” Wiping her hands on a towel hanging over the handle of the oven, she glanced down the hallway. “He’s been in there over an hour.”
“Give him time,” her mother advised.
Katie bit her lip. She felt worse than awful. Sometimes she thought that as a mother she’d failed miserably. This was one of those times.
