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“Her whole family died. And she says she loves me. The world treated her in the worst possible way, and she still loves me. And I...I was betrayed and I just... I spiraled into darkness, and I think I might like it there. I think I might not have the strength to walk back out. Because when you live in the darkness, nobody sees what you do. You don’t have to be accountable for anything. For anyone.”
“I can see the appeal. But what’s the point of it?” He looked around the room. “Why did you come here in the first place?”
“Because she needed help.”
“And that mattered.”
“I don’t know why in hell it did. Only that it did.”
“I think you do know. It’s because even then she called to your heart. Because even then you cared, whether you wanted to or not.” Dante stared at him. “Talk to your father.”
And then his friend was gone, as if he had not flown across the world to see him. A part of Maximus wondered if he had hallucinated the entire thing.
He poured himself a glass of whiskey, and he started to take a drink. But then stopped. He stared down at the amber liquid. And then he reached for his phone and called his father.
“Hello?”
“I blame you for Stella’s death.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “I know you do. I blame myself. Because it was my fault.”
“But worst of all, I hate that I idolized you and you didn’t live up to it. I don’t know how I can ever trust anyone or anything ever again. Especially because...in the end, I’m not any different than you. I’m two different men. I don’t know how to reconcile that with anything.”
There was nothing but the sound of broken breathing on the other end of the line. And when his father spoke, his voice was heavy.
“I failed you, Maximus, and nothing has ever brought me greater pain. Everything I did was for our family. For our betterment. And I’m responsible for the death of the woman you loved. I hate that. I hate how short my focus was. How arrogant I was about my own resilience. How I might’ve felt like I was untouchable, but didn’t take into account the fact that my family was not. And that my family made me vulnerable. But...I’m not two different men. I am one. I’m very flawed. I care about the people in my life, but I can get blinded by my greed. By opportunity. I have a difficult time saying no. It’s why I’ve engaged in business deals I should’ve walked away from. It’s why I... That in the moment sometimes I forget my own principles. Because it’s easier to say yes to what’s right in front of me. Since Stella’s death I’ve been better. But it doesn’t take away what I did. It would be comforting to think that I was two men. But I’m just one broken one.”
It was the strangest thing. That realization. Maximus remembered how he had felt in Annick’s arms. Like he was one. The man and the beast. It had been comforting in a way. Even though in another it was easier to believe that one man was real and the other was a facade. Whichever felt better at the time.
Annick was the only one who knew. She saw him as one, and she claimed to love him anyway. She saw him. And she made him want to know what it would be like if he let go of everything that had happened in the past. Of the betrayal of his father, the loss of Stella and every black act he’d committed along the road to this point and accepted it. If he let go of the flaws in the world.
And knew the fact that he could never really quite balance the scales.
He had killed the man who had imprisoned Annick. Had removed him from power. Had set her free, but it didn’t erase what had happened to her.
You could never erase the bad things in the past. You could only go forward. Otherwise... It was like Annick had said.
Seeing bars where there weren’t any.
“How do you live with it? How do you live with the flaws inside of you? How do you move forward?”
“I didn’t have a choice. I love you. And Minerva and Violet. And I love your mother more than anything. And I have to live with myself. So there comes a point where you simply have to do just that. Live. Even if things don’t seem fair. Even if the world is broken. Even if you are.”
“I don’t deserve her.”
“I don’t deserve your mother. I don’t deserve the fact that you still speak to me, Maximus. I never have, and I don’t take that for granted. I don’t deserve Dante’s loyalty, or Min and Violet’s devotion. I can only accept your love. Because it’s the only thing that makes living worth it. It’s not the money. It’s you.”
It was the strangest thing. Because the world was still as it was, and his father had still made the mistakes he had. But there was a deep acceptance inside of him now that hadn’t existed before. The world was broken and he couldn’t fix it.
But he could love a woman who lived in this world. And she could love him. And with that love it was possible that they would make things better than he ever had with vengeance. Than he ever had with darkness.
There were no scales.
There was no cosmic scoresheet. There were tragedies. And there were triumphs. And there was right and wrong, and justice to be sure.
But mostly, there was love. And with love you could blot out a multitude of sins. If you were only brave enough to try.
“Thank you,” Maximus said. “For helping me see.” He hesitated for a moment. “I’m not who anyone in this family thinks I am.”
