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“You will marry me, then.”
“It enrages me to say, since I know you were nothing but confident in it this whole time.”
“I was not,” he said softly. “I questioned it. The thing about you, Livia, is that I have never been able to anticipate what you would do. You are a constant source of surprise, Mouse. And very few people are that to me. If anyone. For I realized when I was very young that no matter what façade a person presented to the world, they could be anything beneath it. My father never looked like a good king, but I’m not convinced he looked entirely like the sociopath he was behind the scenes. I don’t think anyone would have ever guessed that he would play havoc with the body of his heir, for example.”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t suppose. You would think that he would have valued you. That he would’ve protected you above all else.”
“Perhaps that was what he told himself. That he was building me into a resilient super soldier of some kind. Though I doubt it.”
“And what of your dreams?”
“I did not have any. I was born into darkness, and I felt as if I would continue to live in it no matter what. That there would be no escaping it. After all, my father was my blood. And he told me, repeatedly, that I would be the same manner of king that he is. He made it clear that his goal was to transform me into another part of him. He said his father before him was the same, and his father before him. So why would I have any chance of being different? I knew that I had to make a choice. And it wasn’t a dream. It was simply... Determination. I saw the suffering of my people and I regretted it bitterly. So I bided my time. I gave no indication that I might be different. And then... And then when it was my time, I set about to change things. But you are right, I didn’t know how to interact with people. I mostly still don’t. For I had to learn to hide everything, to keep it hidden, to keep it pushed down, otherwise... What my father could see, he would exploit. What he could touch, he would damage. What he could fight against, he would. And I cannot allow that to be so.”
“How do you know? That there is something else out there in the world when you are born into a specific environment that does not allow you to see a reality that’s different from yours?”
“I might ask you the same, Livia. You certainly didn’t know that there was a world out there where you could have education. You must not have known your own potential. Here you are, on the verge of being Queen. Surely you could not have known that, and yet dared to want better. And you fought to survive on the streets, not even knowing if you would ever find a different sort of reality than the one that you had been thrust into. How exhausting it must be, to fight so hard to simply survive.”
“Yes. I didn’t just dream of that. I dreamed of candy and cake and living. Of gowns, of parties. A birthday party. I had my very first birthday party that I can ever remember here at the palace. It was magic. I wanted so many pretty things, and I do worry...”
“What is it?”
“That part of me wishes to be Queen because I will have beautiful dresses and I will be pampered and cared for and I will have all of the sex that I could ever want, and I will be so comfortable. And isn’t that quite selfish?”
“There is nothing wrong with wanting all of those things. Particularly not when you have been deprived as you’ve been.”
“Well. Now you know. I am quite only human.”
“You are quite the most amazing human.”
“Thank you. Matteo... What about children?”
“I must have them,” he said.
“Yes. But you have told me, many times over the years, that your heart is stone. That you cannot feel emotion because of what happened to you. I understand that. I... I do.” She might not accept it, but she did understand it. She might not think it was right, but she could understand it. “But what about our children?”
She wanted to cry. Admitting, accepting that this would mean having children with Matteo. Having children at all, when that was a dream that she had never even thought to entertain... It was wonderful. Wonderful and emotional and terrifying all at once.
“I will be good to them. And I will show them the path that they should walk on. And you... Livia, you are the only person who has ever given me the sort of care that you did. You will be the best mother. My mother vanished from my life when I was too young to remember her clearly. And I always feared asking what had become of her. Now I will never know. But you... You will be there for our children. A gift that neither of us had. That is enough for me.”
Her heart felt like it might burst. And she knew that she should be suspicious of this, knew that she should be on her guard, knew that she should protect herself, but she didn’t have the energy to do it. In this moment, she simply wanted to sink into it. Simply wanted to revel in it and be.
“I will do my very best,” she said. “To treat them as neither of us were.”
“We will be married as soon as possible,” he said, resolute.
“Yes,” she agreed.
“I will go back to my room now,” he said.
“No,” she said. “Stay with me.”
He looked at her, his dark eyes unfathomable. Then she saw in it an emotion, so deep and raw that it was nearly terrifying to look at directly.
“Being married does not mean you have to share a room with me. That is not how royal marriages typically work.”
“No. But I should like for us to share a room. What do you think of that?”
“Then we shall,” he said.
