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“Dim,” she said. “Actually, I don’t think he believes he can feel it.”
“And you?”
“I know I can,” Livia said.
“Are you happy, though, with the prospect of marrying him?”
“I am... I would not be happy had he married anyone else, that much is certain. But I... I’m afraid.”
“You don’t have to marry him,” Violet said softly. “I know he wants you to, and I understand that you love him, and that you want him, but you don’t have to simply take what’s on offer.”
“But what other choice do I have? I would be miserable without him.” She sighed heavily. “I already tried to leave. I didn’t stay gone.”
“Sure, but you deserve to be loved,” Violet said. “Not just to give it, but to get it back.”
“But he deserves to be loved,” Livia said. “And I think I’m the only one that can love him the way that I do.”
“He should become the only man who can love you as he does. And as much as I care for him, as he is my brother-in-law, and I do know that he and my husband had a terrible time in their youth... I really do think that he might have to work for something, for feelings, to ever be able to heal. It would not be good for him to simply be given everything he asks for, and not be required to change at all.”
“He’s changed,” Livia said, feeling defensive.
“If you say so. I don’t want you to leave, Livia, to be very clear. I like having you here, and I think now we have become friends. But should you not have everything?”
“Some people just can’t have everything.”
She repeated what she had told herself only last night.
“No,” Violet said. “That isn’t true. Somebody who loves as ferociously as you absolutely deserves to have everything. It doesn’t matter what happened in your past. It doesn’t matter what other people have made you feel about yourself. How small they’ve made you feel. How insecure it’s made you feel. None of it is true. It doesn’t get to decide what you become. The only person that can decide to accept less is you.”
“What if it isn’t less?” she whispered. “I mean... I was nothing. I was on the streets. He’s going to make me a queen. And I... I love him.”
“The real concern is if you are allowing him to accept less. What if he could feel more? Not for another woman, don’t mistake me. But if you asked for more, what if he had to dig inside himself and heal?”
She didn’t know what to say to that. “But I want to marry him,” she said, after their cake had been left sitting in front of them.
“Then you should.”
“Well, you just made it sound like you thought I shouldn’t.”
“No. It’s only that I want you to be happy. That I want both of you to be happy. That’s all. I’m really not telling you what to do. Maybe it’s hormones. I should probably be ignored. Anyway,” Violet said, a slight smile curving her lips. “There is a very interesting Royal wedding night tradition in Monte Blanco.”
“Is there?”
“Yes. It involves jeweled handcuffs.” Violet made eye contact with her as she took a sip of her espresso. “If nothing else, it’s worth getting to that point just for the experience.”
“Only on the wedding night?” Livia asked.
“No,” she said. “Javier finds excuses to use them whenever he is of a mood. Which is often.”
Was it so wrong to want this? Violet had made her question it, and yet Violet’s presence was part of what made Livia want this. She could have a sister-in-law. A friend. Right here in the palace. She could have... Royal wedding nights complete with handcuffs. She could have so much here.
But not love.
Maybe love was overrated. Maybe it didn’t matter.
It was all fine for Violet and her American sensibilities to feel like it was something that Livia should be fighting for. But maybe she could just... Maybe she could just have this. And it would be enough.
It was time for the pre-wedding festivities to begin. All of it was a bit much for Matteo’s taste, but he also did not see why he would change the protocol. He did not want to offend Livia in any way, and he had the feeling that were he to back off on the festivities, she would take it as a sign that somehow she was less important to him than another queen might have been, and not simply that he did not care for seven days’ worth of pageantry.
