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They were all so wonderful to me.
All of them also helped me hammer out the details of my business plan. I wasn’t going to be taking a loan from a bank, but I still needed to have the plan for when I applied for permits and so forth.
I was so thrilled about my future bookstore, but when I got home at the end of the day, all I wanted was to curl up with someone and tell them about it. Or talk about nothing. I’d thought that maybe Theo could be that person, but she couldn’t handle that. Couldn’t handle me.
My mom would tell me that Theo was missing out. That it was her loss. But that didn’t make it hurt less. What was it about me that wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t I enough?
Those questions pounded in my skull when I laid awake at night and couldn’t sleep.
Did Theo think about me? Did she wonder if she’d made a mistake?
I didn’t hear from her until the Wednesday after she’d delivered the dining table. I was greeted by another cold message asking when she could come by and drop off the coffee table.
This time I didn’t worry about water or snacks or being nice to her. If she was going to treat me like someone she hadn’t hand-fucked, then I could do the same.
That promise worked up until the moment Theo got out of the van and I realized that Clint wasn’t with her. It was just Theo, and she’d brought Scout.
“Hey,” I said, keeping my face neutral.
“Hey,” she said, letting Scout out. He came over to me and I dropped my composure because he was a sweet doggie and he deserved to be petted.
“Let me get the table out of the back,” she said, and before she turned I noticed the dark circles etched under her eyes. Those were new.
Theo hefted the table herself and brought it into the house, setting it gently in my living room where it looked like it had always been.
I checked to make sure it was lined up with the couch. Scout paced around, looking for a place to lay down. I’d bought a dog bed for him back when things had been going well with Theo, but I’d shut it away in a closet.
“Well?” I said after nearly a minute of unbearable silence.
“Well what?” Theo asked me.
“Is that the game you’re going to play? Seriously, Theo? You’re going to pretend you didn’t just have your hand jammed down my shorts and I didn’t have mine in yours? You’re going to pretend I don’t know what you sound like when you come?”
None of that was what I planned to say. Not one word. Too late now.
Theo’s eyes closed and she took a deep breath before she opened them again and finally met my eyes.
“I fucked up,” she said.
“Yes, again,” I said. I wasn’t going to let her get out of this so easily. She couldn’t come in here and flash her sexy arms and give me sweet words and have me just fall at her feet again. At least, I was going to try and not let her do that. She was sexy, but I had standards.
Theo groaned and then sat down on the couch, as if she was completely exhausted. She looked it. Her skin was paler than I’d ever seen it, and those dark circles were concerning.
“I did fuck up, Kendra. I just… I flipped out. Everything was too real, too much and I fucking panicked and ran. I ran away and I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Keep going,” I said, listening and reserving judgment until I heard everything she had to say.
“The minute I realized what I’d done, I wanted to go back, but I didn’t know how to face you after doing that to you. I didn’t know what to say. I’ve spent this entire week trying to figure out the right words and failing, so this is the best I’ve got. I fucked up, I’m sorry, I miss you, please talk to me again.”
She lifted her hands in the air and let them drop to her thighs with a slap.
“Well, for an apology, I give it a seven out of ten,” I said, trying to keep my face serious.
“Kendra, be serious. I’m just…I’m sorry. I want you in my life, even if that scares me. The only thing worse was not talking to you this week.”
That was pretty sweet. It was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who had had a rough week.
Deciding it was silly to keep standing, I sat next to her. Theo looked at me with desperation in her eyes.
“I’m scared too, you know. Getting involved with someone is scary. And I know that you have valid reasons for not trusting people after what your ex did. I can’t promise that I’m not going to hurt you because, unfortunately, I cannot predict the future, and we’re not living in a romance novel that guarantees a happily ever after. But if you want to give it a shot, and I want to give it a shot, I think we lose more by not going for it. Can you go back? Because I can’t.”
