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He lifted his head and met her gaze, a somberness there. “It means I’m supposed to get on a plane for LA tomorrow with Kenzie. The audition is Friday.”
“Friday? But the show…”
“I’ll fly back Saturday morning. I can still do the show,” he said, voice dull and flat. “I promised I’d back you up onstage and I will.”
He could still do the show, but she could hear what he wasn’t saying. She forced herself to ask the question. “But if you get the part, what about the theater project?”
And New Orleans. And their relationship.
He had heartbreak in his expression. “I know. It’s killing me. The last thing I want to do is let down the group again. Or leave”—he looked at her as if searching for the right word—“everything.”
She closed her eyes, breathed in, breathed out.
Reality was a funny thing. Something that should’ve made her feel hysterical or angry or dramatic instead made her feel very, very still. Resigned. Some sense of inevitability settled into her, like she had already known this was how things would have to be.Too good to be truehad always proved to be an accurate aphorism in her life. Jasper was going to do this. He was going to audition and he was going to get the part and he was going to leave. For good.
“Right. Everything. Meaning, me. Us.”
“Hollyn—”
She opened her eyes and forced a smile, though her heart was fracturing at the thought. “No, I get it. Please don’t give me some speech. I mean, of course you’re going to do this. It’s all you’ve ever wanted. I can’t compete with that. I don’t want to.”
“Fuck,” he whispered, pain on his face. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But…I can’t turn down this part if they offer it to me.”
Her gaze went watery and she looked down at her hands, trying to gather herself together. “It’s okay, Jas. This thing between us…it’s new. You don’t owe me anything.”
He made a frustrated sound. “Don’t let me off that easy. Yes, it’s new, but you’re my girlfriend. Of course I owe you something.”
The wordgirlfriendhit her ears like a record scratch. As much weight as she’d pinned on that title, she realized now how paper-thin it was. The designation could disintegrate with one little shift in the universe. She met his gaze, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“You could come with me,” he said, a hopeful note in his voice. “If I get the part, you could move there, too. You can write from anywhere.”
The offer warmed her, but she shook her head, sad inevitability moving through her. “Do you realize how much your life will change when you get this part? You’ll become a public figure. Press and cameras and people digging into your private life. I… That’s not for me. I’d drown in that kind of fishbowl. Plus, I can write from anywhere, but my job is here. No one knows Miz Poppy anywhere else. I’d have to start over.”
His head dipped like he’d just realized there was no answer that solved this equation for them. He couldn’t have both. “I hate that I have to choose between an amazing break in my career and an amazing woman.”
Hollyn let out a breath. “It’s not really a choice, is it? I mean, part of me wishes it was. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He closed his eyes like her words pained him, but it wasn’t lost on her that he didn’t sayI love you, too.
“The idealistic side of me wants to believe that love conquers all. I’m that girl who watches all the romantic movies with the love at first sight and the fates aligning and the grand gestures where the characters declare that their love for each other is the be-all and end-all.” She swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “But I know that’s not real life. I know I’m not that girl in the movie. I maybe let myself forget that for a little while with you these last few weeks, but of course you’re not going to choose staying here with me over your dream. I would never expect you to do that. You’ve worked too hard to get this chance.”
“Hollyn.” Anguish crossed his face and he reached out, swiping tears from her cheeks. “You deserve to be that girl in the movie. You deserve to find someone who would sacrifice it all to be with you.” He shook his head. “Fuck.”
“What?” she whispered.
“That person is Cal,” Jasper said, his face all grim lines. “He told me he’d walk away from anything and everything if it meant he could be with you. I believe him.”
The fact that he was suggesting Cal should be her guy cut deeper than anything else. It meant Jasper didn’t love her. Not like she loved him. She could never see herself telling him to be with someone else. A snap of anger went through her. “You want me to bewith Cal?”
He closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “No. Even saying it makes me want to punch things, but maybe he’s the better choice. I want you to be happy. He could give you what I can’t.”
“Don’t do that,” she whispered.
He lowered his hand and gave her a wary look. “Do what?”
“Play the martyr. Pretend like he’s better than you,” she said, frustration in her voice. “You’re capable of love. You’re capable of making someone happy. If you need to put your career first, then do that. But don’t act like you’re doing me some favor by sparing me a relationship with you. I didn’t fall in love with some flake. I fell in love withyou, and I’m a pretty good judge of fucking character, so don’t insult me.”
He stared at her a moment, clearly taken aback, and then he let out a breath. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
