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“Well, Kenzie, you were right,” she said, turning to Jasper. “Jasper, we think you’re perfect for the part. We like your whole vibe, and once you stuck to the script, the entire scene came to life. The two of you have fantastic chemistry. I know you’re going to be using Kenzie’s agent, and we have to go through the fine print of all that, but I’m not going to make you wait for our thoughts. We’d love to offer you the part.”
Jasper sagged back in his chair, his ears buzzing and his heart pounding. Kenzie squeezed his knee under the table, her excitement palpable. They were offering him the part. He’d just landed a costarring role on a Netflix show, playing a character he’d help create.
Jasper Deares, you’ve just been handed your dream.
“So what do you think?” Angie asked, her brows disappearing beneath her black bangs.
Jasper shook his head. “I think I’m speechless. Thank you.”
He couldn’t access his words beyond that or even his emotions. There was just a lot of undefined internal screaming. All his feelings seemed locked in some vault he didn’t have the key to.
All he could think wasI did it.I finally did it.
And everyone would know it. His birth parents who’d abandoned him. The foster parents who’d told him he’d never make anything of himself if he didn’t get some self-control. The teachers who’d gotten frustrated with him. And the Deares family who had loved him through and through and who he wanted to make proud more than anything. Everyone would know that he’d finally done it.
But as he shook hands and thanked the director and producer, as he accepted another hug from Kenzie, as he went out to dinner with all of them to celebrate with a fancy meal, he couldn’t help thinking,I thought it would feel better than this.
Was this what happy felt like?
Maybe he’d experienced so little of it that he didn’t recognize what it was when it showed up.
But in that moment, what was supposed to be euphoria felt a lot like numb.
So when Angie ordered expensive champagne to celebrate and the drinks kept flowing afterward, Jasper accepted every glass handed to him. He drank until the numbness faded and fizzy giddiness filled him. He drank until the sharp edges of his thoughts blurred into soft ones. And when Kenzie brought him to her place instead of back to his hotel room, he didn’t remember to protest.
* * *
Hollyn gave up trying to get in touch with Jasper Friday night. She’d sent him a few texts to see how his audition had gone, but since his message from early that morning, asking her to wish him luck, he’d been radio silent. And the one time she’d tried to call yesterday evening, it’d gone straight to voicemail. Without a doubt, she’d known that meant he’d gotten the part. If he hadn’t, he would’ve called, told her he was coming home and they could still be together. The only reason not to call was to save her the news for another day.
She would lose him officially now. She tried not to think about the fact that he was in LA with his ex. She tried not to think about how the night before he’d left for the trip, they’d spent all night with each other in bed, pouring everything they had into what would probably be their last time together. She had no claims on him now. She was back on her own—again.
She got ready for bed and plugged her phone into the charger before setting it on her side table. She’d just climbed under the covers and turned off the lamp when her phone buzzed with a text. She reached for it so fast, she almost knocked it off the table. But when the screen lit, she didn’t see Jasper’s name. It was Cal.
Cal: Just checking in.
She rolled her lips together, staring at the screen. She’d told Cal she needed time. He knew she was still with Jasper and he was trying to respect that, but in the lingering awkwardness, she hadn’t been calling him. They’d exchanged a few texts, but she’d let what he’d said affect their friendship, which wasn’t fair. Regardless of her confused romantic feelings, she didn’t want to lose Cal as a friend. He was too important to her.
She scooted up along her pillows and considered her screen. Without thinking too hard on it, she hit the button to call him back. He answered on the first ring. “Hey, stranger.”
She smirked in the dark. “Is that your passive-aggressive way of telling me I’ve bailed on you?”
“Panic station.Yes. Not that passive really,” he said with a smile in his voice. “I’m saying it. You definitely bailed. But it’s cool. I get it.Kill the lights.You need time. Space. All that fun stuff. I know I blindsided you.”
Hollyn leaned her head back, the sound of his familiar voice a balm to her frazzled nerves of the last few days. “I’m sorry. Blindside or not, I don’t want to stop talking to you.”
“Glad to hear it,” he said, the squeak of his couch sounding in the background.
“You’re not in bed yet?”
“Nah. We did arolling stoneshow tonight. Just getting in.” She could hear the weariness in his voice.
“Living the rock-and-roll life. How’d it go?”
“Great.” He yawned. “No panty-throwers, though.”
She laughed under her breath. “Bummer.”
“Right? We must’ve done something wrong.” He was silent for a few seconds. “You okay, Tate? You seem…quiet.”
