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Chapter Nine
Give Me More Movies with Awkward Grown-Ups
By Miz Poppy
One of the most popular tropes in teen movies is the awkward girl or boy working through their social ineptitude. We know the routine. The hero or heroine is hopelessly shy or awkward. They don’t know how to dress or fix their hair. The girl has never swiped on a coat of lipstick—because apparently, shyness equals not being able to properly apply makeup. Also, glasses, they usually need glasses because myopia and introvertedness must be genetically linked. They also have a tendency to bump into things and knock over chairs. The character is the Before picture in the makeover side-by-side. We’ve seen it time and again, so why do we watch?
We watch these movies because we can identify with the hero and heroine in some way (because everyone feels weird and out of place as a teen, right?), and we know what’s going to happen. There’s a comfort in knowing the hero or heroine is going to be saved from the plague of awkwardness. They are going to land the supercool/hot/out-of-their-league love interest (See:Sixteen Candles,Dirty Dancing,Mean Girls,American Pie,Twilight,Pretty in Pink,To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before,Dumplin’, andThe DUFF) get a gaggle of cool friends (See:The Perks of Being a Wallflower,Clueless,The Breakfast Club), and, if they’re really lucky, a makeover montage (See:She’s All That,Clueless,Mean Girls). Or, if you’re in a horror movie likeCarrie, you’re going to kill all those bitches in a PMS rage and get the ultimate revenge. Either way, you’re going to be relieved of that pesky shyness. And probably get a happy ending. Hooray! High school cures all!
Yeah. Okay. I don’t know about you, but speaking as a card-carrying introvert, that’s not how it works. If you’re shy and awkward as a teen, you’re probably going to be shy and awkward as an adult. And there’s nothing cute or adorable about it. So where are my awkward adult movies, Hollywood? Where is my heroine who doesn’t always have the snappy comeback and who isn’t effortlessly chill? Where is the woman who isn’t in need of a makeover montage but also doesn’t have a pack of friends to hang with because she’s too intimidated to strike up a conversation with new people? The most the awkward adults get are side roles for comic relief.
Do we not want to see those movies because identifying with an awkward teen is universal but imagining yourself as an awkward adult is just sad? When does it become not okay to be shy? What happens when people don’t grow out of the awkward? I want to see those movies. Am I the only one? Show me what happens after graduation, people!
If you have suggestions I’m missing, email me! In the meantime, here are a few movies with awkward adults…
1.Never Been Kissed—This one only half counts because Drew Barrymore’s character has to go undercover (with a makeover of course!) and return to high school to get over her awkwardness. See, high school cures all!
2.40-Year-Old Virgin—Steve Carell is a master at awkward. We even get the requisite makeover scene—but with hot wax and “Kelly Clarkson!” used as an expletive. Now let’s see this kind of movie with a female lead.
3.Bridget Jones’s Diary—
4.Must Love Dogs—
Hollyn’s phone rang, jarring her from the concentrated state she was in while writing her post. She’d come into WorkAround extra early this morning, before the coffee bar even opened, to get this post up on her blog so that she could spend the rest of the day writing up her official reviews. The office had been quiet without her neighbor in yet, so the shrill sound of her ringing phone seemed extra loud.
She grabbed for her phone and got a little zap of adrenaline when she saw it was Emmanuel Melancon, the editor-in-chief of the NOLA Vibe. He rarely called. Almost all of her work for the site was done by email, and if anyone called her, it was the entertainment editor. She took a quick sip of water to wet her dry throat and answered. “Good morning, Mr. Melancon.”
“Morning, Hollyn,” he said, his deep voice an impressive rumble over the phone. “How’s life treating you?”
“I, uh, good. Great. Everything’s great,” she said, her nose scrunching a few times. “And you?”
“I’m fine,” he said in a clipped tone, clearly wanting to move on from the small talk.Praise Jesus.“Do you have a minute?”
“Of course.” Her stomach somersaulted at his serious tone, and her mind scanned through what this could possibly be about. Did he hate her last review? Was he calling because her numbers had dipped? Had he realized she was a total fraud and wasn’t at all cool like her online persona?
She was so lost in the possibilities that she almost missed what he said next.
“I wanted to let you know that we’re thinking of expanding the Miz Poppy role on the site.”
Her spinning thoughts screeched to a halt, and she sat up straighter.Expand the role?Her office chair squeaked beneath her like it was excited on her behalf. “Oh?”
It’s happening!
Be cool. Be cool.
“Yes. Your posts do really well and sometimes get the top number of hits in a week.” He coughed loudly in the phone, making her startle. “You and the restaurant critic seem to volley that top spot back and forth.”
“Wow, that’s great. It’s hard to trump food in this town.” She grabbed a pen and a notepad and put her phone on speaker so she could take notes and also not get his booming cough in her ear again. “So what are you thinking?”
She was proud about how calm she sounded. She’d always been better on the phone than in person. She didn’tlovethe phone, but no one could see her tics, so it took a layer of self-consciousness off the table. Her initial NOLA Vibe interview had been by phone. She doubted she would’ve landed the gig otherwise.
“Well,” Mr. Melancon went on. “We’ve been analyzing the competition, and the only other entertainment posts getting better numbers are over at Buzz of the Bayou. Their entertainment reporter is doing live streaming at some events and is posting flashy videos for his reviews. I forget his name. Blue hair. Loud.”
“Billy Blues.” Hollyn’s pen pressed hard against the paper. She’d crossed paths with the guy a few times when she was out to do a review. She’d heard him asking random women if they were Miz Poppy. Thankfully, he’d never turned his eye on her. But his approach had rubbed her the wrong way just the same. She also thought his posts were big on personality but thin on quality content.
“Yeah, that’s him,” Mr. Melancon said. “I find the kid annoying, but his technique is working. Video content is what the readers are wanting. Their site is getting the younger demographics. I want those eyeballs onoursite.”
Hollyn was taking notes, but when she wrote downvideo content, she stilled. “Right. I’m good with a camera. I could take some great shots of the venue. Maybe film a few live clips of performances. I mean, obviously, we wouldn’t want me on camera. That would ruin the whole mystique of Miz Poppy.”
