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Jasper headed back toward the door, wearing the confused expression of a guy who wasn’t used to being shut down. And whywouldanyone shut him down? He was hot. He was funny. One of those people who was probably comfortable in any situation he walked into. He and Andi would get along great.
A pinch of jealousy made her gut tighten.
He stood in the doorway and jabbed his thumb to the left. “I guess I’ll go find Lucinda.”
He was giving her an opportunity to make things right. To undo her rudeness.
She couldn’t look him in the eye, and her urge to tic had hit the breaking point. She quickly turned her chair toward her laptop, putting her back to him. “Thanks.”
Her tone was clipped, dismissive.
“Sure. Okay.” There was a heavy beat of quiet as if he was going to say something else, and she braced herself. Some strange part of her wanted him to push back, to not let her off that easy, to not let bitch mode scare him off like it did everyone else, for himto seethat she didn’t really mean it but didn’t know how else to get through this kind of thing. But then the door shut quietly behind her because what else could he possibly want to say to someone who wouldn’t even tell him her name?
There. It was done.
Jasper would turn into another coworker who would put a label on her—bitchy, awkward, snobby, weird, rude—one of the many adjectives that she’d been pinned with before. Didn’t matter which one he picked. This time she’d earned it fair and square, and it would keep him away.
Mission accomplished.
She should feel relief.
She peeked back over her shoulder. The hall was empty, and she slumped in her chair. She didn’t know why she felt so disappointed. As if she would’ve done anything but cower if he had still been standing there. It wasn’t like she could morph into another person, go after him, and be all,“Oh, so sorry, Jasper. It’s just been a bad morning. You know how it is. I’m Hollyn. Thanks so much for the coffee. Why don’t I show you around the building and introduce you to a few people? After that, we can grab some lunch and you can tell me all about yourself, and then I’ll tell you why we should start up a sordid office affair and hook up in the copy room. You like Thai food? Great, let’s go.”
She put her head on her desk and banged it softly.
Maybe this whole WorkAround thing had been a terrible idea. Maybe Mary Leigh was wrong and had given her shitty advice. Maybe the whole online therapy business was a sham, and she was being life-coached by some nineteen-year-old operating out of her parents’ basement.
Her computer dinged with an email notification, and she took a breath before lifting her head and clicking. The numbers were in for last week’s Miz Poppy posts and two new freelance assignments had hit her inbox.Work.The sight of it unwound some of the tension and put an end to her pity party of one.
Calm. The hell. Down.
Don’t catastrophize.That was what Mary Leigh would say.
Okay, so she’d had a minor freak-out. Fine. She couldn’t expect perfection. She couldn’t let one embarrassing incident shake her confidence in this plan. She’d worked too hard to get to this point. This didn’t have to be athing. Jasperdidn’t have to be a thing.
Look, Mary Leigh, coping mechanisms in action! Mark that in your chart and stamp it with a smiley face.
* * *
By the time lunchtime rolled around, Hollyn had tucked away the stressful morning into the let’s-pretend-this-never-happened file and was in the zone, crafting her next post. She was feeling pretty good, resolved even, until she went downstairs for decaf number two and froze a few feet away from the coffee bar. Jasper was behind the counter, pouring a cup for someone else, a blue apron tied around his waist.
Her stomach sank.
He wasn’t just another person renting a hot desk—someone easily avoided. He was the new Jackee. He was the new keeper of the coffee.
Jasper smiled her way and lifted a hand in greeting. So freaking friendly. So damn nerd-hot. “Hola, Ms. Busy.”
Smile back! Smile back! Smile back, she silently screamed at herself.Be a functioning human!
Instead, a grimace pulled at her face, a yank of muscles she couldn’t control. His smile fell, a startled look flashing in his eyes. Then annoyance. A little part of Hollyn died inside. She turned on her heel and walked right back the way she came.
In the stairwell, she leaned against the brick wall and closed her eyes, mortification bleeding through her and making her limbs tingle.No no no.She could feel the telltale signs, but it was too late to stop it. All systems had already been engaged.
Hello, panic, my old friend.
She mentally reset the calendar she kept in her journal where she tracked how many panic-free days she’d had in a row with the titleDon’t break the chain. The chain had been broken. Again.
If her mother were here, she would be shaking her head at her with that knowing look on her face.See, honey, I told you moving to the city was a bad idea. You’re not ready for this. You may never be. That’s okay. Just come home.
