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“Shit,” he said under his breath.
“If you really want to help her,” Fitz said, voice gently prodding, “get her to do this. Then you’ll both be able to walk away with something good out of it.”
Jasper’s anger deflated and a bone-deep weariness replaced it. He rubbed the spot between his eyes. “I’ll talk to her.”
“Excellent,” Fitz said, a smile coming into his voice. “I have a good feeling about all this, Jas. You make this happen, and you’ll get your theater. I’d put my money on it. Just think, in a few months, you could be debuting at your own place. No more pouring coffee. No data entry for your future brother-in-law. Just you and your group headlining and doing what you love.”
The image was too much to wrap his head around. Was he really that close to that reality? No more drifting around from shitty job to shitty job, hoping for a big break. No more depending on auditions. A real career. His own business. “You really think it could happen?”
Fitz gave him a serious look. “Iknowit can. But you can’t half ass it. That’s why I’m twisting your arm to put everything you have into this showcase. You’re only going to get one shot with these investors.Hamiltonthis motherfucker, Jas. Don’t throw away your shot.”
Jasper’s eyebrows went up. “Did you just throw a Broadway reference at me?”
Fitz leaned back in his chair, pleased with himself. “I contain multitudes.”
Jasper laughed. “No doubt.”
“So, we good?” his friend asked, a rare tentative note in his voice.
Jasper scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, man. We’re good. I’m ridiculously appreciative of everything you’ve done. I can’t believe you made this happen.”
Fitz nodded. “I helped, but you’re the one who’s going to make it happen. You and your Miz Poppy.”
Jasper let out a breath. “Right.”
“Don’t look so stressed. If this girl cares about you, she’s going to want to help you out, Jas.”
That was the problem. He knew Hollyn would want to help. But ifhetruly cared about Hollyn, if those feelings from the other morning had been real, he wouldn’t ask her to do this. He wouldn’t push her to do something she probably wasn’t ready for. The fact that he was going to anyway proved what Fitz had accused him of—his feelings for Hollyn weren’t real. This was another one of his performances—one so good, he’d convinced himself. But in the end, he’d only been propping up his wounded ego. Using her. A fucking rebound.
As Jasper headed out of Fitz’s office, he felt nauseous. A few nights ago, he’d told Cal he wasn’t using Hollyn. And he’d promised Hollyn he wasn’t one of those guys asking her to do his homework for him. But he was about to drop a big damn assignment in her lap. Pushing her onstage wasn’t going to benefit her.
It was all about him.
His dream. His plans. His ambition.
But he couldn’t walk away from the opportunity. He didn’t have it in him. He was going to ask Hollyn to do this.
And then he was never going to touch her again. Because she deserved so much better.
That sent a hard pang of reality through him.Hell.She deserved Cal. A guy who would sacrifice his dream to be with her.
Jasper wouldn’t—couldn’t—sacrifice his dream for anyone. It was all he’d ever really had to hold on to. Without it, he didn’t know who he was.
He was going to have to let her go.
