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Hill frowned, not understanding where she was going with all this.
“I helped him clean up the cut, and he made me promise not to tell anyone because he wasn’t supposed to be out and he’d sworn to his parents that he’d stopped drinking,” she went on. “I swore I’d never tell because I was so desperate for him to like me. And it seemed to work. After that night, he started paying attention to me, flirting with me when no one was looking, and just generally making me feel special.
“I started sleeping over there more often because it would give me some alone time with him in the middle of the night. He always stayed out late, and I’d sneak out of my friend’s room and wait for him. A lot of times, he’d come back looking like he’d been through something. But I figured he was battling a drinking problem and going through some emotional stuff. I wanted to make him feel better, be there for him.”
Hill’s shoulders were growing tense.
“Eventually, he started telling me that I was the only one he trusted because I kept his secrets and that he adored me and all kinds of romantic nonsense.” She huffed a disgusted sound. “I bought it because it was everything I wanted to hear, and it made me feel more adult. He told me he wished I was older so that we could be together. So, trying to prove the point that I was plenty old enough, I kissed him one night. That gave him the green light he needed—that I was willing and wouldn’t tell. We started sleeping together.” She looked up to meet Hill’s gaze. “He was my first.”
Hill’s throat was tight but he nodded for her to go on.
“My teenage-crush feelings for him made me blind,” she said, tone grim. “So when news stories started popping up about people being murdered in a nearby city, it never even crossed my mind that the dates matched up to some of those times I’d seen Evan come in late.”
Hill’s stomach dropped.Oh, fuck.
She rolled her lips together and gripped the counter, her eyes a little shiny. “And when cops eventually started asking questions, Evan told me what to say, that the whole thing was bullshit and a misunderstanding, that he’d never hurt anyone.” She shook her head. “And I believed him because he’d always been so gentle with me, and I couldn’t imagine him doing those horrible things. So when the cops asked me questions, I lied for him.”
Jesus.Hill’s heart broke for the young, innocent girl Andi had been.
“And his family was loaded, so they hired the best lawyers, and the cops couldn’t charge Evan with what little they had. So, they moved on to other suspects. And I figured it’d all been a big misunderstanding.” She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again. “But another victim was killed a month later, and I knew for a fact that Evan had been out that night. I didn’t want to believe it was possible, but I decided to ask him.”
“God, Andi,” Hill whispered, fear welling in him even though all of this had happened many years ago.
She made a sound of disbelief. “That’s how dumb I was. It didn’t even occur to me that it could be dangerous to approach him about it. I just didn’t really believe it was possible, but I had to ask. So the next time I met up with him, I let things proceed like normal. He took me to bed, and I told him that he could tell me anything, that I wouldn’t hold it against him, that I loved him.” She grimaced.
“I know now that it made him angry, me questioning him. But he played it off. He smiled and said, ‘Don’t be silly.’ But then once we started to have sex, his expression changed. He whispered against my ear,If you tell anyone what you know, I will tell the world that you helped me. Because you have. I could never have done this without you. You’ve known the truth for weeks and didn’t say a word. You’ve already lied for me. To the police. You’re in this with me, so let’s not pretend otherwise.”
All the air left Hill’s chest.
A tear tracked down Andi’s cheek, and she met Hill’s gaze. “I had to stay calm and let him finish. I had to pretend that yes, I’d already known and that no, I wouldn’t tell on him, that I loved him. Because I knew if I didn’t say that, he’d kill me right there. I could see it in his eyes—the monster that had been hiding behind the facade.” She swiped at her tears.
“I waited for hours until he fell asleep, his arm over me, thinking I’d die if I made a move too soon, and then I finally snuck out. I ran to my parents and told them everything. Evan had already taken off by the time the cops got there, but they tracked him down a few days later two states away, and he was arrested.”
“Thank God,” Hill whispered, his mind reeling.
“My parents and their lawyers made sure my name was kept out of everything since I was a minor, and Evan got convicted on six murder charges and is in jail in Georgia for life.” She met his gaze. “But I spent the next few years having flashbacks, not just of that night and the way it had felt to lie there, knowing he was a killer. I also started picturing his victims, feeling like I was responsible for what had happened to them.”
Hill put his hand over hers. “Andi, of course you weren’t responsible. You were a kid. Being manipulated by a sociopath.”
She gave a humorless smile. “My logical brain knows that. The emotional one, not so much, but I’ve come a long way—with lots of therapy. I still have trust issues, and sex got knotted up with all that terror, which has made it hard to untwine, but I’m working on it.” She patted his chest. “With you.”
His heart broke for her. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“Thanks.” She sniffled and gave him a quivery smile. “Aren’t you glad you signed up for this disaster?”
He frowned. “You’re not a disaster. You’re an amazing woman who has survived something not many could. And you went straight to your parents even while being terrified for your own life, and I’m sure worried what they would think. I’m in awe of you, actually.”
She looked down. “I shouldn’t have worried about what my parents would think. They didn’t surprise me. They were obviously horrified by what Evan had done to those poor people and that I’d been with him, but they never saw what happened to me as an assault. In their eyes, I’d chosen to be with Evan. They didn’t see me as a victim. I was just a dumb teenager making bad decisions.”
Hill’s jaw flexed. “But you know that’s not true, right?”
She nodded. “I do. Now. That took some work. But it’s left me with a bad case of not being able to trust my gut. I’m apparently a really shitty judge of character. Evan sold me a mirage about who he was, and I bought it hook, line, and sinker.”
“Andi…you can’t… That’s what sociopaths do. That’s not a statement on your judgment.”
“Isn’t it, though?” She shook her head. “But that’s why I’m telling you all this even though I hate telling anyone about my history. I don’t want to be tied to that girl anymore, and because my name was held out of the news, I can keep it in the past. But if we’re going to continue getting together, you should know what my real fears are.”
He took her hands in his. “I’m listening.”
