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CHAPTER4
Jeremy knew he should have been entranced.
What is wrong with me?
He was sitting in a parlor with the young and widowed Mrs. Arlington in front of him, teasing him as she poured the two of them another drink. It was the first night he had ever met her, and she certainly seemed interested in the fleeting excitement he could offer her.
“Your Grace, you seem distracted,” she said as she sat down on the stool in front of him and offered him a brandy.
Jeremy took the glass and stared at the golden-brown liquid. Ordinarily, he would have tossed it back before kissing Mrs. Arlington, losing himself in the distraction of the fire that could exist in a night of passion. Yet tonight, something seemed odd about the whole idea.
“Your Grace?” Mrs. Arlington sat back, clearly sensing something was wrong.
“Forgive me, my mind is elsewhere.” He shrugged and took a sip of the brandy, trying to return to his usual excitement.
This is my life, remember? One bed to the next, one lady to the next.
He had discovered long ago that the momentary excitement was enough to distract him. He often needed it at night, to stop himself dwelling on things that were long past. It was a way to escape pain.
“Where is your mind?” Mrs. Arlington leaned toward him. When they were close, she reached out a hand and let it wander down the waistcoat over his chest, pulling at the top button to release it.
Jeremy closed his eyes, trying to indulge in that touch, but as he did so, another face came to mind. He thought of Lady Elkins and the favor she had brought up.
She wants adventures…
He also thought of the way she had dismissed the idea of him being the one to show such things to her. Deep down, he knew she was right.
I would be breaking my rule. I never, ever break my rule.
Jeremy opened his eyes again, and for a minute, he didn’t think he saw Mrs. Arlington’s face at all. He could have sworn it was Lady Elkins in front of him, with her delicate hand pulling at his waistcoat to undo her buttons, and her dark eyes moving toward him, with those pink lips tauntingly close.
“I’m sorry, I cannot.” Jeremy was suddenly on his feet. Mrs. Arlington was so shocked that she leaned back, nearly falling out of the stool entirely.
“Well, this is a surprise. I thought after all I heard of your reputation…” Mrs. Arlington petered off.
Deep down, something ached inside of Jeremy.
I know what my reputation says of me!
It said he didn’t care; that he made love to one woman and to the next without much thought.
That is who I am, is it not?
Yet it didn’t add up as to why he couldn’t lose himself with Mrs. Arlington tonight.
“If you would excuse me, I must leave.”
“Leave? But… why?” Mrs. Arlington was on her feet as Jeremy collected his tailcoat from the back of the settee.
He made his apologies as quickly as he could, seeing the hurt that was in Mrs. Arlington’s expression as he stepped out of the front door.
In the darkness of the street outside the townhouse, he struggled to see anything at all. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust as he leaned on the door of the house and thrust his hands into his hair, hoping to stir his thoughts beneath.
Why did I walk out?
“Your Grace? Is all well?” The footman stepped forward from the carriage waiting in the street. Jeremy could have laughed as he crossed toward the footman.
“Not used to seeing me leave a lady’s house so early, eh?”
