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“Addiction?” Stephen repeated in surprise, sitting bolt straight in his seat.
“Yes.” Jeremy glanced at his friend, watching the look of wonder and the crease in his brow that had wrinkled his skin. “That is what it was. Well, is.”
“You never used the word addiction, Jeremy.” Stephen shook his head slowly.
“Didn’t I?” Jeremy shrugged and gulped from his coffee again. “I took your advice, but…”
“Let me guess. It has not helped?” Stephen asked. When Jeremy shook his head, Stephen sat forward, leaning on the dining table. “Well, you should have come to me in an evening, my friend. This sort of conversation suits brandy, better than it does coffee, but as we have little else.” He topped up their cups from the coffee pot. “When you say obsession…” Stephen paused and looked up, his eyes meeting Jeremy’s without blinking. “What exactly do you mean?”
“I mean that she left my bed this morning and I have not stopped thinking of her since. Most women I can forget, easily, for I do not take the time to get to know them. Perhaps this was my error? Going to a lady I knew.”
“You know her so well?” Stephen laughed. “My, my, and who would you break your rule for?”
Jeremy stepped away, continuing his pacing once again. He had vowed to keep it a secret, for the reasons of discretion, but now he found himself so in need of sounding his thoughts, in desperation of Stephen’s help, that the truth fell from his lips.
“Sophia.”
“Sophia? Who’s Sophia?” Stephen sat abruptly forward. “Wait… you mean to say Lady Elkins?ThatSophia?”
“Do you know another?”
“No time for jokes!” Stephen stood to his feet and came to meet Jeremy in the middle of the room, stopping him from pacing. “You once told me you would never visit that lady at night. You declared she was not the sort to do such a thing, and that you would never break your rule.”
“Well, I broke it.” Jeremy walked around Stephen, determined to continue his pacing in the vague hope that it would help him to work off this need for her. “Stephen, I do not know what to do.”
“Do?” Stephen began to follow him in his pacing, as if he was his shadow. “What is it you want to do?”
“I don’t know!” Jeremy turned back round to face his friend. “But this is mad, is it not? Perhaps it is just infatuation.”
“Is that what it is?” Stephen asked, cocking his head to the side. “Or is it something else?”
Reluctant to answer, in fact, reluctant to even think of an answer, Jeremy gulped from his coffee, breaking the connection of his gaze from his friend.
“Is it lo –”
“Don’t say it.” Jeremy cut off Stephen before he could finish the word.
“Are you afraid of hearing the word, Jeremy?” Stephen asked with something of an amused grin on his face. “Fearing the word will not change how you feel, if that is what you feel.”
“It can’t be. It just… can’t be!” Jeremy put down the cup on his table, a little harder than he had intended.
“You might be lovesick but try not to break my crockery.”
“I am not lovesick.” Jeremy’s voice was firm, yet it seemed to do little. Stephen’s raised eyebrows showed exactly what he thought “I can’t be, Stephen. You know why. You are the only person I have ever told why I cannot… Why I can never fall in love again.”
“I know.” Stephen smiled, rather sadly. There was something comforting in that look though it didn’t last long. “You have hidden from the pain of that thwarted love for too long.”
“Are you going to analyze me now, Stephen?” Jeremy asked, turning to pace once again, yet this time Stephen cut in front of him, stopping him from walking off.
“If that’s what it takes, yes!” Stephen said, capturing his gaze and not releasing it. “Is it so mad to think if you can fall in love once, then you can fall in love again?”
“Yes! When I have decided such a thing is impossible, then yes, it is very mad. In fact, it is impossible.”
“And the head can rule the heart, can it?” Stephen asked, folding his arms. The rather withering look he offered Jeremy merely made him stand taller.
“The heart should always obey the head, Stephen,” Jeremy said, his voice cold.
“Something tells me it doesn’t work like that.” Stephen shook his head and returned to the table. “So, it sounds like you must decide, my friend.”
