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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Zach
People had been telling me Iwas an asshole my whole life. Totally understandable with my I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude.
Inever really cared about any of it. This quality was the basis of what made me agood lawyer—areally good lawyer—and ahell of afriend to those who got me. Those who didn’t, like large parts of my stuck-up family, could go suck it.
Istood behind every word, every action. Always. Until yesterday.
What Idid far surpassed any shitty, fucked-up thing I’ddone. Leaving Laura after what we’dshared was messed up and Iknew it. It didn’tmatter that Ifreaked out, that for the first time in awhile Igot awholesome feeling of afamily. That Iasked, no, Ibegged for that totally platonic evening.
Sure, Ihad dinners with Thomas and Erin. But there was no sex involved, no closure to the evening that solidified that sense of belonging. When Laura lay there on top of me, after one of the best evenings I’dhad in awhile, Iknew that Ibelonged.
The sex…the sex felt different. It gave me that sickening sweet feeling, not the regularIwant to be smothered by these titsorThese legs would look better straddling my dick. Nope, they were more likeIcan see myself drowning in this woman.
And then Icame, and with it came my descent to reality, back to my common sense. It screamed at me that there would be no drowning in Laura, and it lit afire under my ass. Iran for it, blatantly ignoring the big, beautiful elephant in the room. The elephant Ipromised her Iwouldn’thurt.Great job, asshole.
The whole day passed like that—zero work and many hours of aguilty conscience. I’dhugged her before, I’dstayed before, and most of all I’dnever seen her hurt before. And Iran. The coward in me couldn’tbring himself to be remotely polite and sayThank you, Laura, for stepping out of your comfort zone for me. For agreat night.
Frustrated and needing to fix this, Ikicked my sorry ass up from the sofa at around eleven at night and drove down to Laura’s. Iconsidered calling, then trashed that. This fuckup Ihad orchestrated deserved athorough apology, borderline groveling.
The tapping sounds my foot made as Ibounced it on my Mercedes’ floor echoed in the silent car while Iwaited outside her house. My hair that definitely needed acut stuck out in every direction.
Iwaited and waited, more for my pulse to slow down than anything else. My apology history was scarce, practically nonexistent, but since Iwas less than astellar friend, Ihad to.
The car’shorn honked when Ilocked it. In the time it took me to push myself from the car and step into the road, an Uber stopped outside the low brick building. Laura walked out, then mini-Laura after her, carrying Laura’sphotography gear. Ijumped at the opportunity that fate offered me, and caught up with them at their doorstep.
“Laura, Livs.” Iwaved at them like amoron. In the empty street and three feet away, who else would be calling them?
They both turned to me, two similar faces with completely different expressions.
“Hi, Zach. What are you doing here?” Olivia smiled. Laura gave me ablank stare, which Ione hundred percent deserved.
“Iwas in the neighborhood and thought I’ddrop by, see how the Farmer sisters are doing.” Icringed inwardly, refusing to believe these words came out of my mouth. Iblamed it on the twists and turns in my stomach.
“Cool…we’re doing fine. Laura?” Olivia’seyes darted between me and her sister, two silent, unmoving statues. “I’mgoing to assume I’mmissing something.”
Without aresponse to either of us, Laura climbed up the stairs. Olivia narrowed her eyes, starting to grasp this was more than amisunderstanding.
“Laura, can we talk?” Icalled when she unlocked the building’sdoor.
Laura caved and handed her sister the keys. “Olivia, you can go to sleep. I’ll back up the photos when I’mdone here.”
“Awesome. Night.” She kissed Laura on the cheek. From behind Laura’sback, she shot me adeath glare, asilent warning not to hurt her sister. It would have been cute had Inot deserved it.
Ihopped up the stairs, standing next to Laura and talked in ahushed voice. “I’msorry for being an asshole last night.”
“You weren’tan asshole.” She yawned, covering her mouth. Her expression turned from unreadable to painfully bored. “And I’mpretty exhausted, so…”
“Wait.” Igrabbed her arm, thinking fast and doing my best at honesty or else she’dbe gone. “Look, my paranoid brain overanalyzed yesterday. There was nothing to analyze and Istill did it, then walked out like acomplete asshole, not like afriend.”
“Apology accepted.” She slumped into the building’swall. “Anything else?”
If any other person would have shaken me off like that, I’dhave left while singingFuck you very much. Unless it was aclient, then I’dhave hummed it.
Laura owned the privilege to say and act however she pleased. Icared for her and Ilet her down, so Isucked it up and stayed. Iearned it and would’ve stuck around even if she had slapped me.
Words were void of meaning when faced with actions that said otherwise. Unless redeemable actions presented themselves.
