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“No, no. Ihave this feeling. Ican hear it even.” She blurted the words quickly, excited over her so-called revelation. “Maybe my two favorite people, who are also the godfather and godmother of my babies, finally saw how awesome the other one was?”
Ithanked myself internally for not FaceTiming her like we usually did. If Ihad, she’dhave seen me fidgeting uncomfortably on my couch.
“I’mawesome, that’sfor sure. And Zach’sall right too, some days.” By some greater force, my voice didn’tcome out as jittery as Ifelt. “Zach and Iare not going to happen, not in this lifetime.”
Not like she dreamed us to be, not in away Icould tell her, among other secrets that embarrassed me. Like why the men in my life left me. I’dalways made up excuses about me not wanting them for this or that reason, never telling her that no one cared to stick around. It didn’tmatter that Ithought they were wrong, judgmental, and archaic; it still felt like admitting aflaw in my personality instead of theirs.
In the past, Ibelieved in the concept of aforever relationship wholeheartedly, for both Erin and myself. When she swore off dating, Ipushed her to not give up and try. Thomas was there and it would’ve been an opportunity missed, for the both of them. Me, these days, Ihad no one. Ireserved my right to wallow and swear off dating in private.
“I’mholding on to hope.” She sounded disappointed, then made more cooing andshhsounds. At least the babies gave her some peace of mind. “Right, Thomas?”
Like he would’ve done anything other than agree with her. These two were too sweet.
I, however, could’ve told her anything Iwanted to. The perks of being abest friend. “We’re still afamily if that’syour concern. The twins have an uncle and auntie who adore the living fuck out of them.”
“You see, this is why Ikeep saying you two were made for one another,” she exclaimed, then put the phone away for amoment. “Sorry, Ro, Mommy didn’tmean to yell. Go back to sleep, baby.”
She lowered her voice again and Ihad to press the phone closer to hear her. “You both make the Fword sound like anIlove you. That’satotal sign.”
“Jeez, if that was an actual criterion, I’dbeen involved with some of the worst people ever. Or the best. Wait, Ithink it’sthe best of them.” Iheard her suppressing her laugh, while Ilet mine out with no kids to worry about. “Erin, Ilove you but maybe after three years, maybe it’stime to put this dream to rest? We never dated.”
“But…”
“No buts, please,” Isaid in astern, businesslike tone. “Igained afriend when you introduced me to him, afriend. That’sall it ever was. Afriend.”
Avery sexy friend.
“Okay.”
“Go and hug cutie Aand cutie Bfor me,” Iencouraged her. “Their auntie Laura will see them and give them aton of gifts soon.”
“You spoil them too much.”
“Ilove them, not the same thing.” Ismiled.
We hung up when Violet started crying in the background and Thomas took Rowan in exchange for Erin feeding Violet. They had cute dynamics.
Ipicked up my laptop and scrolled through the photos to double-check they were all safe and uploaded. While Ishot alot of couples, not everyone looked as in love as these two. He kissed her hand like her knuckles were made of gold, and she dusted off his shirt for food crumbs as if it was the sweetest thing she ever did.
They laughed, danced, and cried together. They spoke with their eyes, saying without wordsyou mean the world to meandyou’re mine.
They had that spark.
If not for its obscene price tag on my career, Imight have had that. Imight’ve had alot of things, but Ididn’t.
What Idid have was my self-esteem, my freedom from my overbearing parents, my freedom of school debts.
And Iplanned on keeping it that way. With alittle sprinkle dust on the side in the shape of Zach, and my hours of sleep. Setting the alarm clock to 5 AM, Iwent to bed to make the best use of the few hours Ihad left before the morning.
