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“I know, but I might’ve phrased that the wrong way. I think you should read this.” Detective Sparks held out the thin leather bound volume.
“What is it?”
“It’s your wife’s diary that she kept locked away in a safety deposit box at the bank.” Start from about a year and a half ago.”
Niall took the offered book and rifled through the pages until he came to the first entry going back almost two years or so. He read the pages and felt like he’d fallen into some kind of vortex, nothing made sense. She was talking about him but it was as if she were speaking of someone else, a stranger.
October first: ‘So far Niall’s other personality doesn’t seem to be dangerous, in fact he seems more interested in having sex than in harming anyone. It’s like our honeymoon all over again and I get to have the joy of a lover without the guilt. And the sex, it’s so fucking amazing that I selfishly hope the doctor never cures him. Unless he hurts himself or someone else of course.’
He looked up at the Detective, “what’s she talking about? What other personality?”
“Keep reading sir, it’s all in there.” Detective Sparks gave him time to read some more of what his wife had written, watching his face change with each new revelation.
January: ‘I’ve told Valerie about my new lover but so as not to betray Niall I haven’t divulged any names. Silly girl I think she sometimes suspects that it’s Riley, as if I’d ever betray my best friend for some dick.’
Niall felt his heart contract in his chest as he poured over the words. It was all in there. The way she’d noticed the change in him just about the time she was coming back from her own bout with postpartum depression.
It’s the reason she’d insisted he go to counseling and to a therapist. It was she who’d warned the therapist to look for a split personality, she who had diagnosed him before any doctor ever had, because it was she who knew him best.
She’d documented everything and kept it hidden because she was afraid of the two personalities meeting as she put it. She didn’t want her husband suspecting her of having an affair, but she wasn’t sure how he’d react if he found her journal, how could she explain when the two personalities were so unaware of each other?
She’d borne all of it, running at his beck and call whenever he dragged her off somewhere to some hellhole to have sex. She’d written of the excitement as well as the strain of constantly watching, afraid that one day this other personality would become violent.
He read on until he came to the entry about the baby. April: ‘I’m pregnant again, but I dare not tell Niall, who knows what this would do to him. I’m working with his therapist to figure out when would be the best time to tell him. Oh but I want this child.’
“A baby? She was pregnant?” Detective Sparks could only nod her head yes, overcome by the tormented grief in his voice before he turned back to the book.
‘I never thought, after all that I’d gone through after Abigail’s birth that I could ever want another child, but this child, this child is special. Not that all my babies aren’t special, but this child was conceived out of Niall’s and my renewed love for one another.’
June: ‘I told Valerie about the new baby today, she didn’t seem very happy for me, but I guess I can understand that. She and Riley have been trying for so long without success of course she’d feel a way, what with me dropping one every two years like clockwork.’
‘She and Riley would make great parents; Riley is excellent with kids. I have to say that in the last year and a half Riley has become like my rock. He’s the big brother I never had.’
‘He was there for me when I thought I was going out of my mind, before the diagnosis of postpartum depression, and he was there for Niall too when he started going through his midlife crisis not long after.’
‘I never told Riley about the split personality, that day he told me that he’d ran into Niall and how different he looked and acted, I was tempted, but I could never betray my man’s trust. Maybe some day we can all look back on this and laugh. I hope so. Until then, I’m just going to be there for my husband when he needs me.’
‘The doctor said there was nothing we can do anyway, just watch and make sure he doesn’t hurt himself when he goes through one of his episodes. But so far the most dangerous thing he’s done is take up smoking, usually after sex.’
‘Oh, and he fancies himself a lady’s man, he even got himself a new cellphone which he uses only to call me. I was a little worried about that one, thinking that this other personality, which he calls Simon was going too far. But the therapist said it was nothing to worry about. As long as he didn’t go looking for a new home.’
“It’s funny how this thing works. I never did understand the concept of multiple personalities. But apparently Niall’s is triggered by stress. I’m just thankful that he turns to me and not someone else. It’s good to know that I’m still his ideal.’
