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I rolled my eyes. “Shut up. I knew I shouldn’t have told—”
“And extremely adorable.”
I shook my head and hoped it would force down the fierce flush of blood rushing to my face.
“How did it become your place?”
Growth,Kiki. You can’t die from being personal. I stared at the menu once more for fortification, before looking back up at his gentle interest. “Um... okay, so there was a period where my family was going through... a lot, and I had to take care of my little sister sometimes, pick her up from school. I knew the house would be empty when we got home and the thought of that was just... I couldn’t deal with it, you know? She was about nine and I was about sixteen, seventeen. I’d take her to the bakery on the high street and get us two slices of Tottenham cake. I love Tottenham cake, it’s still my go-to comfort treat. Anyway, I’d get us the cake and a cup of hot chocolate that we’d share and smuggle them into the local library. We’d read books next to each other and I’d ask her questions about what she’s reading, and she’d ask me questions about what I’d read, and we’d just... escape into these different worlds and forget for an hour or so. I guess when I came to Whitewell, I just gravitated toward the library because it felt safe. And then I found that spot.”
I almost winced. I’d never told anyone that before and I felt acutely exposed. Why had I told him that? “Ugh, that sounded super corny.”
Malakai shook his head. “No, it didn’t. It makes sense. When you’re trying to find footing somewhere, you go to what’s familiar. That’s probably why I ended up on the Eastside in my first week here. Closest place to my ends.” He continued, “Did you ever bring Zack to your spot in the library?”
Relief coursed through me as he’d tactfully avoided what I wasn’t ready to show. I relaxed, furrowing incredulous brows. “I think the library would make him combust into flames, like Trump in a church. He negates the concept of a safe space. He’s a walking hazard.”
Malakai burst out laughing. “Right. My point exactly. Your way of keeping boundaries was like... preestablished in the relationship. He couldn’t cross over into knowing you like that because that wasn’t the reason you were with him. Same way I didn’t bring girls here. As much as I may have liked them, I was trying to keep a boundary.”
“But you brought me here.”
“That’s different. There are no expectations. You’re not suddenly going to think that this could be something. You don’t see me in that way.”
A timely reminder. Ididn’tsee him in that way. And he didn’t see me in that way. Not That Way + Not That Way = No Way. Still, something bothered me.
“You know what I don’t get? If you like these women like you say you do, why would you put up a boundary?”
“I do like them. And I respect them. And I wanted to get to know them—have fun getting to know them. But that shouldn’t have to come with some kind of unspoken agreement to commitment. I’m new here and wanted to meet people, and yes, some of those people happened to be pretty, smart women...”
I laughed, shaking my head, my hoops swaying with the mirth. “Malakai, seriously, these girls aren’t unhinged. They’re not moving mad for no reason. They’re cool and strong and maybe they didn’t see your boundaries as boundaries. I totally get that sometimes people projectshit onto stuff you’ve never said—take Zack—but I also know that you probably didn’t stop them from getting the wrong idea. And that’s what pisses them off, what causes confusion. They feel like they’re the only ones. A bunch of women feeling like they’re the only ones. That’s why queens like Shanti and Chioma argue overyou.And don’t take it personal, but you really ain’t worth it.”
Malakai sat up, eyes thoughtful. He paused to clap hands with a youngish looking guy who stopped by our table to greet him before turning back to me. He rubbed his chin. Again. “I hear you. So, when Shanti started talking about her birthday next year and things we could do together, I should have stopped that.”
“Um. Yeah. You could have tactfully guided her to the right direction. Like ‘It’s always cool to hang out with friends on your birthday.’ I mean, it would suck to hear it but it would be honest. Clear.”
“But I was trying not to be prick. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings—”
“Right, and what happened when you didn’t tell her? You hurt her anyway. Look, letting people know exactly what it is in the beginning saves a lot of stress. On both sides. If anything, she’ll hate you more for leading her on. Delaying it doesn’t make you a good guy, Kai. And I think... youmightbe a good guy.”
The shortening of his name felt right on my tongue, like it was used to the taste, and I wanted to pull it back as it leaped out of me. It was too quick, too nimble. Malakai maintained eye contact, eyes glinting into mine with something that looked like it might have been respect. “So, you think I’m a good guy?”
I shrugged. I hadn’t realized I thought it until I said it out loud. “I saidmight.I don’t think I would be here with you if I really thought you were terrible.” I paused and l let a smile lick at my voice. “I mean you’re tolerable,at least.”
He smirked. “See, this is why ‘Scotch’ suits you. No sugarcoating.” Hehadn’t noticed the “Kai” thing. Good. Or maybe he was politely ignoring it. Also good.
“The truth will set you free,” I said easily.
“So, what was the truth between you and Zack?” He was silken with it, smooth and cool with it.
I shrugged. “There was never any potential there. We both knew that. He only thought he wanted more of me because I didn’t want him like that, and he couldn’t handle it. Rejection doesn’t compute if it isn’t on his own terms.”
“He’s a dickhead.”
As I spoke, my gaze had drifted down to the flashing flakes of faux quartz in the gleaming surface of the black table, but it snapped back up to his when I heard the frank, low brusqueness in his voice.
I traced the silvery gem imitations on the table with a sharp pumpkin-colored nail. “And I knew that. Granted, maybe I didn’t know theextentof his dickhead ways but... he couldn’t hurt me. Not really. Even after the other night. I was angry, not hurt. Nothing was bruised, nothing broken. There’s no way I could lose a game if I play by my rules.”
Malakai’s dark eyes focused so directly into me that I felt my pulse flare.
“What made you feel like it’s a game? Or is it a who?”
