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Shanti shrugged. “Well, so was mine. La Mystique, got it from Sephora when I was in Amsterdam.”
Aminah paused and stood back. “I use La Mystique too, got it from Paris.”
Shanti’s eyes glimmered beneath her lush lash extensions with something that looked like respect. “Look, this isn’t an ambush. We just came over to say that we rate the show you’re doing with Malakai. You guys sound legit.” She ran her eyes across me. “And honestly? I kinda rate you now, Kiki. Not just your advice, but, like,you.You sound more relaxed, like you’re not judging but you’re living this shit with us. Experiencing it with us. Not this self-appointed head bitch in charge who knows it all. I mean, at the last FreakyFridayz you were dancing with girls that weren’t Aminah, actuallytalkingto people.”
Chioma nodded in agreement. “I mean personally I’ve always known that you’ve had a good aura but it has always been shroudedby something, you know.” Her voice sounded like wind chimes, a melodic scent of sweet, musky essential oils wafting from her. “It’s like you’re open now. Also, you put Malakai through his paces. He’s a good guy, deep down—all of us know that—but he istangled.Doesn’t want what he thinks he wants. Or wants what he thinks he doesn’t want.”
Shanti smiled wryly at that. “Either way, he was getting us mixed up in his mix-up. Glad he apologized, though. How did you get him to do that?”
I allowed myself to relax a little with the turn of conversation and released a tentative laugh. “Uh, that was all him. He’s figuring some things out, I think.”
Chioma waved a hand. “Please. No way he would have got there without you. Gotta say, though, I was surprised by the text he sent afterward.”
Aminah and I exchanged a glance. I attempted the appearance of nonchalance. “Uh, he texted you?”
Shanti’s immaculate arches shot up. “Oh, wow. You didn’t know. He texted both of us. All of us.” At the look on my face, she smiled. “They were apologies, Kiki. Chill.”
I’d failed at the appearance of nonchalance. I cleared my throat. “I’m chill. I wasn’t—”
Shanti smirked at my denial and Chioma spoke over it. “Bad communication. Misrepresenting his intentions. Said we deserved better—”
“Strong agree.” Shanti’s interjection was peppered with a sharp smile. “We compared notes. All the apologies were specific to our situations. It was... satisfying to receive. I mean, I didn’t respond, obviously, but it was satisfying.”
The new information coursed through me and counteracted the snippy evening breeze. If the apology was a performance, he would have told me about it. He wanted to do it. Defenses I didn’t even know I had up lowered, and I levelled a gaze at both Shanti and Chioma.
“Well, you both deserved those apologies. And I, uh, appreciate you telling me you like the show. I’m also really sorry if it ever seemed like I was judging you. I wasn’t. Or at least, I didn’t mean to. I just...” I shrugged, feeling freer than I had in a while. “I don’t know, man, you’re all so cool and I just wanted to keep you guys from pricks because I... I have been there. And I’ve seen how it can mess things up. But I wanted to do that without exposing myself, which, yes, makes me a hypocrite. I was just intimidated, I guess?”
Shanti looked incredulous. “Intimidated? Kiki, you’re, like, the mostlistened to voice on campus.Brown Sugaris the only platform all the cliques are united over. You’rerespectedhere. Even if you weren’t, you never gave us a chance.”
It suddenly felt hard to remember why I worked to not integrate fully, to remain on the watchtower on the outskirts, guarding the girls but also guarding myself. Seeing everything but feeling nothing.
I swallowed. “You’re right. There’s some, uh, friendship trauma there. I think I was worried that you guys wouldn’t like me if I wasallof me you know? Like I would let you down or something.” I inhaled deeply and felt my tongue coiling up, ready to leap forth and ignore rationality. “I think that’s why I was afraid to admit that I was seeing a guy on campus.”
Both Shanti’s and Chioma’s faces slackened, eyes widening in a way that almost made me laugh.
Shanti uttered a “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”
Chioma shook her head and grinned knowingly. “I knew it. I knew it. I knew you had a secret wild vibe about you!”
The only person who didn’t seem amused by my impromptu confession was Aminah. My best friend glared at me. “What are you doing?” She whipped back to a puzzled-looking Chioma and Shanti. “No, she didn’t. She’s chatting shit.” She lowered her voice and muttered in my ear, “Don’t let this Cheetah Girls moment get to you.”
In the past three weeks I’d felt myself getting looser, more unleashed, trusting myself to trust and for some reason I looked at Chioma and Shanti and felt I could trust them. If they were apparently able to venture into friendship after both dating Malakai, if they could say what they thought of me to my face without any real animosity (I kind of liked Shanti’s bite) then I presumed there was something in both of them that I could trust. I was good with the risk.
I squeezed Aminah’s arm. “It’s fine, MiMi. It’s really not that deep.” I ignored her incredulous look and turned back to Chioma and Shanti.“So that first kiss between Malakai and I? It was just a ploy. The guy I was seeing was bothering me that night and I couldn’t get him to leave me alone. Malakai noticed and I noticed Malakai noticing, and we kissed to get him off my back. It just happened. Things just kind of went from there. Turned out we actually got on, and one thing led to another.” Technically, none of this was a lie.
Shanti frowned, puzzle pieces visibly falling into formation in her mind’s eye. “Hold up. The only other guy you were seen with that night was—”
Chioma gasped, her bejewelled hand flying to her mouth, causing her multiple bangles to jangle. “ZACK KINGSFORD?”
Aminah hissed out an angry “Shhh” and glared at me. “You see now? Are you happy? This girl speaks in R&B interlude whispers and all of a sudden she is hollering that goat’s name in the quad!” She put a single lilac-painted finger to her temple and started rubbing in tiny circles. “Chioma, will youpleasekeep your voice down, abeg!”
Chioma, still evidently flustered, managed to nod. “Right, my bad.” She gestured at a nearby bench and we all congregated on it, legs squished together. Aminah reluctantly followed suit, rolling her eyes and muttering something about how this was disrupting our workout routine as she squeezed in between me and the bench armrest.
Shanti sat forward, placed two hands together in prayer, and pointed them at me. “Aite. Okay. Break it down for us.”
My skin began to prickle as I told them about our nine-month fling and what had happened that night. It was clarifying to something ugly, something that made my stomach queasy.
Chioma shook her head, eyes widened in defiance. “Ew. His energy isdark.”
