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The mention of the ball gave me a genuine, hearty laugh that I was grateful for. “Oh. I’m not going to that.”
Aminah’s brow arched. “Are you joking?”
I smiled and my chin jutted out incredulously. “Areyoujoking? Going to the ball was something I was doing because I was with Malakai and it was part of the whole deal. Going to it now would just be humiliating.”
Aminah flipped both her palms up. “You’re unbelievable.”
“Um . . .” Chioma’s voice was quiet and tentative. “What’s going on?”
Shanti gently reached over for the ice cream tub I was holding, grabbed a spoon, and returned to her chair. “I think they’re having a domestic?”
I shuffled a little further from Aminah to assess her. “Meenz, what’s wrong, because I feel like you have something to get off your chest.”
Aminah sat very still and then started blinking rapidly at me in a very alarming manner, as if she was malfunctioning. Then she raised a hand and through her long, extended lashes she pincered me with eyeshard with love. “Kiki, this is not okay. First you shut me out for a week and now this? Why is Malakai the only reason you want to socialize? Was I not enough? You didn’t come to the AfroWinter Ball last year, and even though I went with some girls from my course it was shit without you! It’s a pattern! You bail on the most fun stuff in uni because you get shook! And I get it, but it’s time you let it go, okay? I am tired! Ó ti su mi. Sis, I am not going to let you miss out on this. Fuck, I am not gonna let myself miss out on a good time with my best friend. Which, by the way, I have. So many times for you.”
I blinked, stunned, her words sitting cool within me, sending up spindles of shame. “What? I never asked you not to go to events.”
Aminah rolled her eyes. “No, you never did. Of course, you never did, you would never do that, but you think it’s fun for me going out without my main? Most of these bitches are dull as hell.”
Her eyes drifted to Chioma and Shanti and she flashed them a quick, dazzling smile and rose a pacifying hand. “Not you guys, obviously. Other bitches.”
Shanti was texting with one hand and had a spoon in the other. She didn’t look up from her screen. “If I thought you were talking about me, this spoon would be shoved down your throat, my darling.”
Chioma flicked her wrist in a rolling motion. “This dialogue is healthy. Continue.”
“I love how much you’ve grown, Keeks.” Aminah’s voice was gentler now. “And I love that everyone gets to see the Kiki I adore. Your real nature has shone through; you bring people together. Look atBrown Sugar,FreakyFridayz! The elections that are happening! Blackwell is so much closer because of that. So, be part of what you bring together. Stop fighting it.”
I nodded, feeling my nerves soften, my edges curve, my breathing slow. She was right. I could do this. I was also being selfish—it was just cowardice. I wasn’t someone who hid anymore.
I poked her shoulder. “Hi. Have I ever told you that you’re the love of my life?”
Aminah beamed and wiggled on the bed before pulling me into a tight hug. “Yes, but it’s good to hear it again. Sorry I had to go savage on you.”
I laughed. “Please. I needed it.”
“Alright.” Aminah sat up, tone brisk. “Lovefest done. Now that I feel like you’re getting back to normal, I’m gonna need Killa Keeks to awaken.” She clicked her fingers in my face before picking up my phone from the bed and unlocking it with the passcode I didn’t know she knew.
I squinted and hissed like she was dropping lime juice on a wound. “No. Please, I’m not ready.”
Paying no heed to my resistance as I sat back on the bed, Aminah shoved theBrown Sugarinbox in my face. This seemed particularly cruel. I wondered if her showing me hate messages was like that training montage inCreed IIwhere Rocky made Adonis punch the air over an open flame? Was she trying to toughen me up for the fight of my life? I blinked at the screen, ready to shove it away, when I saw the first message.
Solidarity Queen! Don’t know what happened with you and Zack but we miss Brown Sugar.
I took the phone from her and scrolled. There were more messages like this—sandwiched, of course, between the expected misogynistic comments, but still, there were much less of those than I’d anticipated. And then something else that made my breath hitch and my hair stand on end. Messages from girls who had also dealt with Zack, who said that he also took pictures without their consent, that he lorded it over them, taunted them with the pictures if they broke things off with him or challenged him.
My palms were sweaty and I snapped up to shoot an inquiring look at Aminah. She nodded grimly.
All the remaining desolation drained from my body and was replaced with an all-consuming compulsion to kill, and if not kill, then to maim. My jaw clamped together. It was one thing to do it to me, but the fact that he’d been getting away with doing it to other girls . . . that he would likely go on to do it to other girls. The sadness that had stiffened my bones fled, the rage made me feel supple, fluid, and I felt myself melting into someone I recognized more. I’d allowed too many men to drive me to contort myself into a diminished version of who I was and could be. He had attempted to make so many women feel so small, so he could feel big, and it was going to be my pleasure to ensure we trampled him underfoot.
Aminah gasped and clapped her hands together. “Oh, it’s happening.”
Shanti smiled, something conspiratorial and curious. “What’s that look on her face?”
Chioma nodded sagely. “I think she’s summoning energy from the crystals.”
Aminah shook her head. “Nope. That’s Killa Keeks coming back withpeppeh. What’s stage one?”
The plan was configuring in my mind, becoming solidified as something I needed to do rather than something I could do. It was sealed with fury and conviction. There was no choice in this.
“I need to meet with Simi.”
Aminah raised the back of her hand to my forehead. “It’s gonna take a while for her to fully recover, poor thing. Take your time, babe. You’re delirious.”
