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But with Josie and Alex, I don’t feel like I have to fit in a particular slot. I can be the big, tough, protective guy when I feel so inclined, but Alex fills that role just as easily, so I can let go and be the recipient of some of that sometimes. Plus Josie, despite being so sweet and gentle, has a tough core.
She hasn’t opened up too much about her past yet, and I’ve felt like it’s too soon to probe, but I get the feeling she’s been through some heavy shit. But I have to admire her. In spite of whatever trauma she’s faced, she hasn’t let it turn her bitter, she’s kept her heart and still seems to genuinely love people.
I’m sure Becca would tell me I can learn a lot from her.
We fill up on junk food and eventually, Josie gets her cotton candy, which she happily shares with us both, and just walk around for a bit, talking and people-watching. Once the cotton candy is gone and the stick’s been disposed of, we play a few more games, and eventually I do end up winning Alex a little stuffed blue frog.
He rolls his eyes, but his smile is ear-to-ear even as he stuff the plush into his pocket.
But finally, Josie declares that it’s time for a Ferris wheel ride. It’s a bit of a snug fit, but we manage to squeeze all three of us into a seat, with Josie smushed between Alex and me like a sardine.
It doesn’t seem to dull her excitement a bit, though, and before long, we’re lifting off the ground and moving. And I have to admit, I think Josie was on to something, saving this for last. The sun’s gone down and things have thinned out a little, so it’s quieter than earlier, and the stars twinkling above us are pretty enchanting.
When we reach the top, the ritual of exchanging kisses begins all over again, even though it’s a little awkward with all of us crammed in. But even with the awkwardness, it stokes my desire again, and I find that I’m really not ready for the night to be over.
When we touch back down and we’re let off the ride, I turn to Josie and Alex. “Listen, it’s still kind of early…do you guys want to come back to my place?” I offer.
My heart is in my throat, I know the offer is a gamble. They might decide I’m moving too fast, being too forward, and turn from me in disgust, and I might have just thrown away the best thing I’ve had in years.
But when they both nod, I swear I hear my little sister telling me ‘I told you so’ about my pessimism.
After a little discussion, we decide it’s easiest for everyone to just bring their own cars, since we’d met here at the carnival. I give them my address and some simple directions, and when I slip behind the wheel of my car, my heart is pounding.
Maybe I’m assuming too much, but I feel like the desire racing through me is mutual, and that “going back to my place” doesn’t just mean going back to play board games or something.
Not that I’d really object to that, either, though, which is slightly surprising. The “dates” I’ve been on since I got cheated on have mostly just been to get my rocks off, and the sooner we could get back to their place and do the deed, the better. We’d both get our needs fulfilled and then I’d be on my way.
No muss, no fuss, no risk.
But I don’t want that with Josie and Theo. I mean, yes, I want to sleep with them, but I don’t want the “after” that I’m used to. I don’t want them to disappear.
And what’s weird, is that having them both sort of assuages some of my worries about them sneaking around on me. With a relationship like this, there’s no need to. If they’re interested in another partner, all we have to do is talk it through.
Admittedly, I don’t know how I feel about the prospect of sharing them with someone outside of our little “throuple” thing, but that’s a bridge we can cross if we ever get there.
But without monogamy, that “you’re mine and I’m yours and no one else’s” expectation, somehow…it’s easier to trust them.
It seems like nonsense, but at the same time, makes perfect sense. There’s still a nagging part of me telling me that something’s going to go wrong and that I’m fooling myself, but a less rational part doesn’t care. I just want them, for as long as I can enjoy this.
I get to my place first and hastily run around to tidy up a little. It’s not a disaster by any means, but living alone, occasionally I get a little lazy and leave stuff on the floor and don’t immediately put dishes in the wash. So I throw my coffee mug from that morning into the sink from the counter where I’d left it, dart into my room and stuff some dirty clothes and a towel into the hamper, and on a whim, light a candle.
See, Bex? There’s a little optimism,I think to myself.
