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“Tell me you care about me. Tell me you want me. I’m sick of being that girl who sits around and waits for the guy to realize what he’s got,” I pleaded with him, unable to stop the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks. “Show me that you need me.”
“I do need you!” he growled, taking hold of my shoulders harshly and pulling me close. “I need you so bad that I can’t breathe when you’re not near.”
“Then stop pushing me away,” I cried, throwing my hands at his chest in frustration. “Stop pushing me away!”
“Chelsea! There’s someone watching us. They see our every interaction and it just shows them exactly what they want—that they could use you to destroy me and the club. They are telling Anthony DePalma everything, and if they get wind of how strong our connection is, theywillhurt you,” he choked out. His hands moved from my shoulders up my neck to my cheeks. His thumbs brushed at the tears that continued to flow steadily.
I laughed, the noise sounding foreign in my throat. “So until then I just have to be a good little club girl, hang around, watch you rub against other girls and pretend like I’m not suffocating.”
He frowned. “I need to be able to protect you—”
“I don’t want you to protect me!”
“That’s not your choice to make,” he snapped.
“Well, I’m sorry, but for once I want to make a choice.” I pushed away from him, stepping backward so there was some space between our bodies. I sighed as I attempted to gather enough courage to say what I needed to say. “My parents chose to protect me. A crazy man came into our house with a gun. They said all he wanted was to steal shit that he could sell so he could get his next fix. When my dad tried to stop him, he got shot. Dead. Straight through the heart. Then the man came after me and my mom.”
Optimus reached out for me, but I moved, putting even more space between us.
“My mom chose to put me out a window and made me run. My mom decided for me that day that I was going to live, and she was going to die. She chose that path for me. I didn’t get a fucking say in that!” Anger burned in me, it flourished like a deadly flower.
I was done.
I wouldn’t let anyone control my life anymore.
It was going to be my choice.
“Blackbird … stop,” Optimus pleaded quietly, his face full of anguish hearing the story I’d never shared.
“No! Maybe I didn’t want to live! Maybe, just maybe, I would’ve rather died with them, than spent the rest of my life moving from foster home to foster home, hell to fucking hell, without them.” I picked up a textbook off my desk and threw it across the room. “I never got given that choice!”
I breathed deeply, trying unsuccessfully to calm my emotions, to get a hold of myself, but it all just spilled out.
“I didn’t get stories read to me at night. Nobody walked me to school in the mornings or picked me up after. Nobody taught me how to ride a bike, nobody clapped for me when I graduated high school, nobody was there for me when my first boyfriend broke my heart. Nobody!” I screamed, my body shaking uncontrollably.
“Baby, it’s okay,” Optimus whispered. I tried to escape as he came at me, but there was no way out. He wrapped his arms around me and cocooned me in his hold.
I fought against him, slamming my fists into his chest. “They never let me choose!”
“Shh.” he took the hits, his calming tone never changing. “Baby, stop. You’re killing me, please.”
I fought for several minutes before I finally gave in, allowing him to comfort me as I broke down. We sank to the floor together and he pulled me into his lap, my legs straddling his and my face tucked into his neck as he ran his hands up and down my back.
I licked at my chapped lips, tasting the saltiness of my tears. It was strangely refreshing.
“Please.” I whispered, gripping his cut in my hands like it was my last life line. “Please, letmechoose.”
He sat still and silent, his hands still moving up and down my back. “I can’t,” he said carefully. “I need you to be safe. And if that means you’re safer without me, then so be it.”
I sat back so I could see him. “I don’t want you to protect me. I want you to love me.”
He swallowed harshly. “Blackbird—”
“Don’t keep me out. Let me in. Let me be there for you. Let me be yours.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. Not right now, not while it’s so dangerous.”
Tears began to fall once again.
