AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You don’t have to do this.”
I spun quickly, almost losing my balance. “Hi…” I murmured, attempting to brush away the tears that lingered on my cheeks. I knew it was going to be hard seeing Blizzard again, but I never imagined that one person could make me feel both beautiful and completely worthless in the same moment.
I was seconds away from calling a cab to take me to the airport, everything inside me screaming that I would never be good enough, no matter what I did.
Why am I doing this to myself?
Chelsea took a few steps closer, her eyes watching me the whole time. For a moment I thought she was being cautious, afraid I would pull out my knife and stick it in her back all over again. But the closer she got the easier it was for me to see the tears that streaked her face.
I sniffled, unable to hold myself together. “God Chel, I’m so sorry.” I covered my mouth, trying to hide my erratic breathing.
She looked over her shoulder and I followed her gaze, spotting Optimus watching us from a safe distance. His eyes never left her and I could tell that whatever she was about to say, it was him giving her the strength to say it. I braced myself for the onslaught as she slowly turned back to me.
“I want to scream and yell and hate you for what you did…”
Licking my lips I could taste the salty tears that had settled on them. I puffed out a short laugh. “You should.”
She continued to walk around me, watching me the whole time as she circled.
“I loved you. I stood beside you and held your hand when you cried. I was there for you.” Her voice was soft and quiet, but every word caused me to flinch.
“I know,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
I wanted to hang my head in shame, but I wouldn’t. I would stand here, and I would take whatever she had to throw at me. She deserved the right to let it all out, and if that meant being her punching bag, then it was the least I could do.
“I went through hell, because of the choices thatyoumade.”
I squeezed my hands into fists, my nails cutting into the skin. Tears blurred my vision and I blinked furiously, trying to remove them.
“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.
Suddenly, I was wrapped up in her arms, they squeezed me tightly. Her hand pressed against the back of my neck as she rocked me back and forward.
“So am I.”
“No.” I pushed against her, trying to break her tight embrace.
“I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in my own issues that I didn’t stop to see what you were really going through,” she whispered in my ear.
“No!” I tucked my hands between us and pushed, breaking her hold. We both stumbled backward. Optimus shot out the doors and onto the patio, taking hold of Chelsea’s arm to steady her. “Don’t stand here and apologize! Yell, scream… tell me you hate me,” I cried. My legs shook, threatening to give way. I couldn’t stand there and let her comfort me as I broke down. I didn’t deserve it.
“I don’t hate you!” she yelled, holding onto her man. “We were all victims, Rose. We all want to believe that our families do what they do because they love us. But that’s not true, some people are just assholes and they don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. Your dad was one of those assholes.”
I gripped my hair with both hands. “I hurt you. I hurt all of you. I made the decision to do those things and I did them.”
“You were lied to and deceived, just like we were.” My mind was racing, I wanted to get out of there and fast. “It wasn’t your fault, Rose.” I heard her voice but it sounded so far away.
“It was. It was my fault, I let him inside my head. I let myself believe every word that came out of his mouth. I let myself get so obsessed with dreams and fairytales that I would’ve done anything just to be a part of something more.” I was rambling now, I knew it but I just couldn’t stop. Maybe if she heard me say it, then she would change her mind. “I almost killed you.” The words tasted foul in my mouth.
“Well, you didn’t do a very good job then did you!” she screamed at me. “Because I’m still here. I’m still breathing. And God damn it, I’m going to keep breathing. So will you stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself and look at me!”
I stared at her in complete shock, not believing I heard what had come from her mouth.
“Would you like to take another shot at it?”
“Chelsea,” Optimus growled, glaring down at her.
The ridiculousness of this whole situation was beginning to dawn on me. I was yelling at her, adamant that I wanted her to hate me for what I’d put her through. My mind was telling me that I didn’t deserve her forgiveness or acceptance. I didn’t want her permission to forgive myself for what I’d done because it shouldn’t be that easy. People who did bad things were meant to suffer. But yet here she was, taunting me because I screwed up killing her off.
