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Dinner wasn’t as awkward as I was expecting.
The malice I had toward my mother had morphed from a raging demon to angry puppy. It was still there, and there was still shit that we needed to discuss, but we’d come to a silent understanding. It wasn’t the most important thing in either of our lives right now.
She was worried about Lane, and I was freaking out about Rose’s safety.
Right now, we all needed to focus on what was in front of us, not what haunted us from behind.
“She seem okay when you left?” Skins asked from across the living room. He was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall.
I shuffled, the question making me feel slightly guilty. “Yeah, she was okay. Can’t say I exactly helped the situation, though.”
“What happened?” Mom asked as she walked in, wiping her hands on a dishcloth.
I tightened my grip on the beer in my hands. “Heard her talking on the phone with him. They sounded like old friends. You know? Laughing and shit.” I took a swig of the liquid which had now gone warm. “I brought up some shit I shouldn’t have, and she basically told me to pull my head out of my ass if I thought we were going to make things work.”
Judge chuckled but my mom frowned, her concern for Rose evident.
“We all say shit we don’t mean sometimes. The heat of the moment causes emotions to burn hotter. Don’t think anything of it.” Judges words did little to calm me. I knew I’d hurt her the moment the words had left my mouth, but I’d never been one to not speak my mind, no matter what the consequences.
“Rose is a delicate girl. She portrays a strong image when she needs to, but deep down she’s broken.” Mom leaned against the entranceway to the kitchen, a sad smile on her lips.
I leaned forward, bracing my arms on my knees. “That’s the thing, though. I want her to be her, I don’t want her to act tough or pretend she’s someone she’s not. That’s how we got into this shit in the first place.”
“There’s a difference between faking an image to hurt someone or cause harm, and doing it to empower or protect yourself.”
I nodded, Skins was right. We all at some time faked a laugh or a smile or pretended that we were stronger than we were, but it was never done to hurt others. It wasn’t all about lies and deceit. Sometimes it was about making ourselves believe that we were capable.
I needed to remember that Rose wasn’t out to hurt my family or me anymore. She was just trying to get by the best way she knew how, and sometimes that meant holding her head high when all she wanted to do was crumble to the floor.
“She needs someone strong at her side, so she doesn’t have to feel like she needs to do that. She needs someone willing to be strong for her.” Mom’s eyes met mine and I knew that she had absolute conviction behind her words.
My dad was an asshole. I knew it, she knew it, and every single person who came into contact with him knew it. But when they were together, he had the club at his back. They were his strength and he would always come first before an Old Lady.
Even then, though, I thought the club would have supported her and helped her out. But it was obvious now that they hadn’t done that. They’d supported my father in his choice to keep me from her, even when they saw what he was doing to me.
I would never let that kind of shit fly now, but that didn’t matter. It was done and the reminders were there for life. It was up to us whether we continued to let the wound be reopened or let them heal over and new skin begin to grow.
“Moving on,” Judge cut through my thoughts. “Now we have more information, we need to decide what to do to get our girl back.”
Light, who had spent dinner and our time together silent in the corner was now alert and sitting straight like a steel rod. His tell-tale flicking of the lighter filling the quiet room.
“We need to end this quickly,” I told them. “Rose seemed to think that Lane was okay, but she could tell that this shit was wearing on her. The stress and situation aren’t good for the baby either.”
There was a smash as a beer bottle hit the wooden floor and Light was suddenly on his feet, his eyes wide in shock and anger. “The what?” he yelled.
“Oh, Jesus!” I scrubbed my hand over my face. “Rose told me, I thought you guys knew?”
My mother sobbed loudly and Judge was instantly out of his seat, consoling her quietly.
Light pulled at his short hair, looking up at me and finding my eyes as if he needed to see into my soul to understand what I’d just said. “She’s fucking pregnant?”
“Look, man, she could have just said that. Maybe she thought they would go easy on her or something. All I know is Rose heard her say she was pregnant.” I knew it was quite possible that it couldn’t be true. People would say everything and anything when they were in a situation that could end up with them being hurt. It was a defense mechanism.
“Fuck this,” he growled. Stomping his heavy boots and heading for the front door. Skins was on his feet in a second, grabbing his friend by the shoulders and pulling him back.
Light fought against him. “Let me fucking go. That’s my woman and my fucking baby.”
Judge silenced everything with the loud boom of his voice, “Light, stop!”
