AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Twenty-Three
Wrench wanted to know everything. Every small detail—about Peter, our relationship, about the connection to Optimus.
I could feel my heart racing as I cuddled up next to him and forced the words from my mouth, but as I spoke, I found my body felt a little lighter with each word. I was sharing this with someone, it wasn’t just my secret anymore, something that I’d only talked to doctors and therapists about.
“At one point he took me off the pills. Getting past the come down was one of the worst moments in my life,” I explained, laying my head against Wrench’s chest. “I guess it was all part of this game he was playing… see how I would cope without them in my system.”
Wrench’s heartbeat pressing against my ear gave my courage. He was here with me, listening, breathing in my words. He wasn’t running away from me, he wasn’t looking at me as though I was a monster or as if I disgusted him.
“He had to go away for work for a while, and didn’t want to take me with him, so I moved back in with my parents. That was when I met Optimus. My parents had to make an appearance at the town fair, the club was there, and Op talked to me… well… he hit on me.” I smiled at the memory, but when Wrench’s body tensed up, I quickly moved on. “It made me feel good at a time where I was so low. So when he invited me to hang out with them, I grabbed onto it with both hands.”
“It was that easy?” Wrench asked, with a tightness in his voice.
I pulled back and looked up at him. “No. It wasn’t. But because I wasn’t on any medication, I was back to thinking irrationally and making choices on a whim. Hanging out with the club… the fun, the freedom they had… it was the start of a new high. One that I never thought I could come down from.”
He looked into my eyes, I could tell it was hard for him to hear these things but that he knew he needed to. He wanted to understand me, he wanted to hear my pain and what I’d gone through, even if it might hurt him.
“I got to know the club, and Op and his dad… then suddenly everything hit the fan,” I said sadly.
Wrench inhaled slowly. “The war got serious, and Dealer was killed.”
I cuddled in closer to him, and he pulled his arms tightly around me. I knew how much these boys cared for Op’s dad, he was their leader and their friend. He was family to them and losing him had been a shock to everyone.
I cleared my throat, it was clogged with emotion. “I felt responsible,” I whispered. “Op left him there in the bar to come and be with me. I tried to be there for Optimus, but it weighed me down and with nothing to balance my emotions, I broke down.”
His hand stroked up and down my arm, it comforted me but I could still feel that guilt sitting in my stomach. Had I not been so needy, I wouldn’t have pleaded with Op to come to me that night, to be with me instead of protecting his dad.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Wrench told me softly. “If Op had been there, we could have lost them both.”
I took a deep breath, it was something Optimus himself had told me time and time again, but it never took the pain away. Dealer had treated me like one of his own even for those short few weeks I was with them.
“My parents called Peter and he came home, and when he did, he offered me the one thing I didn’t want but that I knew would numb the pain I was feeling,” I explained, barely able to force the words out, ashamed of my actions. “I don’t remember a lot, but at some point while I was high, I fell down the stairs at Peter’s house and he took me to the hospital. They did tests, and nothing was broken… but they said I was pregnant.”
My hand unconsciously went to my slightly rounded stomach where I’d carried my baby girl. She’d become my everything, and I only hoped that one day she’d understand what I was doing was to protect her.
“Peter assumed it was his and dragged me to the courthouse that afternoon to get us married. God forbid he’d have an illegitimate child. What that would do to his reputation and my family’s would have been catastrophic.” I couldn’t hold the edge from my voice. “I went along with it, but I knew in my heart that it wasn’t his… so as soon as he left the house, I started to pack my shit.”
“Jesus Christ,” Wrench cursed, lifting his hat off his head and scrubbing at his hair. “This is a fucking mess.”
“Eric came around to see Peter and caught me packing. Peter had given me another pill, so I was so high I could barely move, but I was determined to get the hell out of there, knowing that he would find out one way or another that the baby wasn’t his and all hell would rain down.”
Wrench lifted his lip. “I still don’t like that asshole.”
I nodded. “I know, but he helped me. He put me in a taxi and sent me to the clubhouse. When Op decided to send me away, that saved my life and Harlyn’s.”
“Why didn’t you just tell us? Why have you kept this shit hidden for so long?” he asked, and I couldn’t really blame him.
“I thought I had it under control, while I was away. For years, I was on medication and it worked well. I found a doctor, and we worked together to find what was right for me. There was no stress, but if I felt myself sinking, I had alternative pills I could take that would help,” I explained, hoping he would understand. “The shit I did while I was with Peter… the things I did in order to get that magic little pill, they…” I shook my head, I couldn’t force the words out because that would bring back memories, the ones that I’d managed to squash into the back of my brain for years.
Wrench’s hand rubbed up and down my back. “Why would you think it would change things? Why would you think that we wouldn’t be there for you? Op is losing his damn mind because of this shit.”
“I’m not ready to tell him,” I whispered.
I knew what Wrench was saying was true, but the fear of judgment and self-loathing that I had inside me wasn’t ready to deal with the ramifications. Now with Peter planning something. I knew he wanted to hurt me, I’d seen it in his eyes. I needed to figure out a way to stop him and I needed to do it so that if things went wrong, the club wouldn’t be pulled down too.
I knew how irrational I sounded, but with Harlyn now in their care, I was more determined than ever to protect them. I knew Optimus was going to lose his mind when he found out what I’d done, but that’s what I wanted. I needed the connection severed so they couldn’t be dragged under with me.
My phone dinged, and I pried myself away from Wrench as I reached for my handbag. Pulling out my phone, I read a text from Optimus.
