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The Fourth of July really snuck up on us quickly. Ham assured me a week ago that things with the sheriff were over. Everyone was safe, and stuff was going back to normal.
I decided that it was probably a good time to go back home and spend some time with Mom and Denver. I’d been neglecting them, and even though things between Mom and I had been less than okay, I didn’t want her to think I’d given up on her, or that I was completely disowning her.
I loved my mom.
I just needed her to see me for what I was—a young woman—not a little girl anymore.
With the chaos surrounding the club, I still hadn’t had a chance to speak with Ham about things to do with my dad. The photo had been burning a hole in my pocket ever since my mom showed it to me. The thing was, I didn’t just want to tell him the story or hear what his take on it all was. I wanted to ask him if he would ask the club to help me find him.
Mom was adamant she didn’t want me going after Huntsman and the MC he was a part of, but the last few weeks had been so crazy and so emotional. I watched Ham fight hard for Phee and Romeo, and I saw how he wasn’t willing to let them walk out of his life even if they wanted to. It all just made me wonder whether there was a father out there who felt that way about me.
Well, whether he would feel that way about me if he knew I even existed.
Now I knew he was out there, I couldn’t help but question everything.
Would he have fought to have me in his life?
Would he have raised me differently?
Would he have taught me how to fight back, rather than cower?
Or how about that day old question—was I a daddy’s girl?
I wanted to know everything. Things about his family, things about his life. I guess I just wanted some kind of closure. He could possibly turn me down, refuse to acknowledge me, which was definitely an option given that he had a wife at home, and Old Lady just like I was now.
I drove Mom’s car to the clubhouse. They were having a cookout for the Fourth of July, and I intended to find Ham right away before he had a few too many beers and was unable to understand what I was talking about.
All these questions were burning in my mind. I needed to get them out fast before I forgot.
I also had to convince him to ask the club for help. Well, ask Wrench for help.
Leaping out of the car, I skipped toward the front doors already hearing people laughing and chatting out the back of the clubhouse along with children screaming, which was exactly where I wanted to avoid because I just knew I’d get pulled into the crazy.
I heard Uncle Leo’s voice the moment I stepped inside, my eyes searching the room for him and realizing he was in the room they use for church.
Clutching my sketchpad in my hands, I wanted to see him first, get his opinion on what I’d drawn. Because it included the club, I knew I should really have him look at it first just in case he thought it was going to be a problem. I didn’t want to disrespect or offend anyone with my work. I’d drawn it up for Ham, he had no idea, but I was pretty sure he was going to love it.
The doors to church were partially open, so I knew they weren’t holding a meeting, raising my hand to knock.
“You get anything from Meyah about her dad?” Uncle Leo asked with a heavy sigh.
I paused.
What was he talking about?
“I haven’t.”
Ham?
“Man, I asked you to help me out on this one. If she goes running out on some wild goose chase…”
My heart leaped up into my throat, and I found it hard to breathe pressing my back against the wall beside the open door and clutching my sketch pad to my chest. I shouldn’t be eavesdropping. I probably heard things wrong.
I didn’t have the entire conversat—
“You’ll make sure she's okay when this shit hits the fan,” Ham bargained. I could hear the nerves in his voice. There was something wrong, something had happened. “She’s gonna be devastated when I leave.”
I felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart, the pain that shot through me at the sound of those words, at the thought of him leaving and walking away was unexplainable. I knew it wasn’t physical, it was all in my head, but it felt so damn real like my heart was being torn from my chest.
