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The loud clack of the bat connecting with the ball resonated in the air, the vibrations of the connection traveling up through my hands and arms and echoing through my body. It didn’t fly far, but it reached the other end of the cage and hit the fence before falling to the ground with a bounce.
There were a few seconds of stunned silence before laughter and cheers went up in a burst of excitement. I looked over to see the entire club lining the fence, grins on their faces, clapping their hands.
Ham was still looking at me from the other end, smirking, like he’d expected me to hit the damn ball the whole time. Or maybe just impressed that I had.
I let out a stunned laugh and shook my head, ignoring everyone and tossing the helmet to the ground, followed by the bat. “I’ll get the keys from Chelsea and meet you over at Optimus’ truck,” I told him quickly as I sped past him at almost a jog and ducked out the small gate.
Chelsea was leaning against a picnic table, dangling the keys in one hand and bouncing one of the twins in the other. Which one, I wasn’t sure, because they were identical. I had no idea how Chelsea and Optimus told them apart. She tossed me the keys which I juggled awkwardly but finally closed my fist round, my hands still shaking in shock that I’d hit the damn ball.
Just as I turned to walk away, she spoke, “You know, Optimus pushed me away for years. He was constantly going on about how he was doing it to protect me.” I froze on the spot, hearing Chelsea’s words. “Sometimes they do stupid shit. But they do it because they care.”
“I guess that’s why everyone kept the fact he hadn’t slept with Jess, and that he’d been arrested and locked up to themselves?”
I should have bitten my tongue.
I was being a fucking bitch, and it didn’t taste good.
Not to someone who had always tried to help and support me.
Chelsea didn’t deserve my smart mouth, but she laughed anyway.
I shook my head. “Jesus Christ, I’m acting like a brat.”
She came forward, her hand reaching out and cupping my face. “Baby girl, when you’re hurt, you get to act whatever way you feel allows you to express yourself and your emotions. Fuck everyone else.” There was no judgment in her eyes. It was like she heard me loud and clear, even when I felt like I was shouting and nothing was coming out. “This life, it doesn’t work the way the normal world does. There are rules we choose to follow because of love. Not just the love of our men, but the love of this amazing family we surround ourselves with. If those rules aren’t something you can live with, no one would think any less of you for choosing not to be Ham’s Old Lady. We would still love you.”
There was a reason that Chelsea was Optimus’ Old Lady, and I guess what you would call the first lady of the club. She knew what to say. She knew this life in and out, and she understood it wasn’t for everyone.
It was a hard pill to swallow when I thought a few months ago that I’d found the place where I felt at home and where my heart wanted to stay.
Not to say that my heart still wasn’t drawn there.
But now it was just a little more bruised and unsure.
“For the record,” Chelsea went on to add, grabbing my attention again before I sunk too far into my pity party for one. “I think you’ve known all along the clubhouse was home.”
She was wrong.
The clubhouse wasn’t home.
The people there were home.
Ham was home.
He was the warmth, the comfort, the safety—all things someone wanted in the place that they called home. But it just happened that for a few moments, he’d locked me out and left me in the rain.
I swallowed the lump of emotion in my throat. It was hard and painful trying to force it back down, but honestly, I was at the point where I’d felt so many emotions just in the past few hours, that my mind couldn’t keep up. I seriously was starting to feel like I was losing my head.
It’s hard to fight against something or someone you love so much.
He may not have cheated. But saying sorry was never going to change the impact his choices had made on my life.
I could smash a mirror into pieces and then look it and say sorry, but it wasn’t going to magically all join back together into what it had been before. You’ve got to work at it, one piece at a time with some damn strong glue. And even then, it was never going to be perfect.
But who the hell wants perfect anyway.
“Thanks, Chelsea,” I murmured, forcing a smile. “I’ll be back soon. Once I sort him out.”
Chelsea leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Take your time. I think the two of you need it. I don’t think Macy will even notice you’re gone.”
