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Taking one last look at the house, I saw my mom in the window, her hand over her mouth like she was crying. It stopped my heart for a moment, and I wondered if I should go back. I never meant to make her upset or for her to think I didn’t love her.
I just wanted to feel like she was on my side for once, cheering me on, wanting me to be happy, whether it was on my own or with Ham. I wanted us to be able to chat and talk about things, and not feel like she was constantly trying to protect me, or stop me from stepping forward, scared I wouldn’t make it or that I’d get hurt. I wanted her not to have to worry about me, to be happy that I was happy, but to still be there if I fell or if I needed advice.
This wasn’t about me not needing her anymore. This was about her taking a new role in my life.
I held on tightly to Ham as we pulled away, making a note to text Uncle Leo and see if he will go around and check on Mom. Maybe for once she’ll talk to him. She doesn’t realize just how much good that could do for her.
I wasn’t sure where Ham was driving until he pulled up at the little bridge which overlooked the creek and horse track. The place where I’d made him pull over the first time he’d taken me for a ride. He let me climb off before turning off the engine and kicking out the stand. Placing the helmet on the back of the bike, I couldn’t help but smile and shake my head. “Look at you, being all cute and stuff.”
He chuckled. “This is all I have to do to make you think I’m being cute and shit? Dang. And I spent money on flowers and shit.” My smile only grew wider as I walked over to the edge and looked down at the horse track below. “Your mom didn’t look all that happy when we pulled away. Everything okay?”
His arms slipped around my waist from behind, and I leaned back into his body. It was so good to have someone there to lean on. Not just someone, him.
While I’d fought the past few months to stand on my own and not rely on anyone, it didn’t change the fact knowing he was there if I did need a break, or if I did need support, was worth a lot. I decided it was time to rip off the Band-Aid.
We were together, so we needed to face our problems together. Stronger together than we were apart.
“I fly back to Arizona tomorrow.”
His arms pulled me in a little tighter, and he let out a heavy sigh. “I know.”
I almost laughed.
Of course, he knows.
I turned in his arms, hooking my hands around his neck and raising my eyebrow. “Why didn’t you say anything? I thought we’d be at it, arguing about how I belonged here, and how Arizona’s too far away, and how you and I both have responsibilities which will make it hard to fly often.”
“Is our argument done now?” he asked, the corner of his mouth twitching, telling me he’d thought about this just as much as I had. Yet, he hadn’t asked me to stay or assumed I was. “Don’t look at me like I’m suddenly an asshole for not demanding you leave the school you love, these new friends, new experiences, and the opportunities a school like that can give you.
That was exactly it. That was my whole argument for me going back in a nutshell. Thinking he was going to lose his shit and fight to keep me here.
“You’re okay with me going back?” I asked nervously, my fingers messing his hair, enjoying the different lengths and textures.
“Am I a selfish bastard who wants to keep you to myself? Fuck, yes, I am.” His hands tightened on my body like if I tried to move right now he’d throw me over his shoulder and go all out caveman. “But I don’t want to hold you back.”
I was already shaking my head with a frown, but he pressed two fingers to my lips, stopping me from arguing.
“If things hadn’t been this way, and you’d stayed here, you would still be relying on me, and the club and other people, to give you the boost you need, or to teach you how to be the perfect Old Lady. But instead, you did it all on your own. You became this amazing woman I’m not sure you could have found any other way.” He grabbed each side of my face and pulled my lips to his, pressing against them softly, my eyes drifting closed as his hands trailed down my body.
I licked my lips as he moved to my cheek and my jaw, and I uttered the words that had been twisting my stomach in knots for two days. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
That was my biggest fear.
That saying…distance makes the heart grow stronger?
I think that’s total bullshit.
Distance from Ham made my heart ache.
And just thinking of leaving him again when I thought we’d finally reached a point where this was no longer puppy love, it made my chest ache. I wasn’t a little girl with a crush anymore, and Ham wasn’t treating me like one and trying to protect me from everything.
We’d found us.
We’d been apart, but we’d grown stronger.
He pulled back, his eyes flashing suddenly and he grabbed my hips, tugging them in so I was pressed right against him. “We didn’t go through all this bullshit just to let this go, Meyah. This is it as far as I’m concerned, there’s no way in hell I’m taking another Old Lady. Distance or no distance… wewillwork this shit out. Then when you’re done with college, I’m gonna put my babies in that belly of yours, and we’re gonna have a bunch of fucking kids.”
My mouth fell open, and I stared at him, my eyes welling while I tried not to laugh or cry or even move in case I fell to pieces.
