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“I’m cold,” I say, closing my eyes and focusing on the sensation. “My arms and fingers feel like someone dumped ice water on them, and then it soaked into my blood.”
He doesn’t say anything, so I go on.
“My heart is beating so fast, and I feel like it’s going to burst out of my chest. I can feel my pulse in my fingertips.”
I take a shaky breath and notice my breathing has slowed some.
“It’s hard to breathe, and there’s a lot of pressure. Like someone is sitting on my chest.” I inhale as much air as I can. “I can’t get enough air.”
“It’s… It’s hard to speak. When I do, it feels like something’s lodged in my throat.”
“Sometimes when I’m scared, I feel like running. Or fighting. But right now, I don’t feel like I can move. My body feels heavy, and I want to shrink into a ball.”
I open my eyes and stare into Lorenzo’s. His head isn’t tilted anymore, but he listens intently.
“My instincts tell me to do what you say. Sometimes…” I look down and breathe when a sob threatens to bubble out. “Sometimes I get angry, and nothing feels like it matters. Like things are bad enough and can’t get any worse. I know that isn’t true, but in the moment, it’s how it feels. And so I say and do stupid things, and I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, and I won’t ever talk to you like that again. I—”
“That’s enough, Kitty.”
I snap my gaze to his, hope filling me from him calling me by that stupid nickname.
He reaches out and pauses when I flinch. I swallow and relax, and he runs his thumbs over my lips, his eyes trained on them.
“This,” he meets my eyes and waves his hand around the plastic, “is me having the upper hand. Always. You keep forgetting it, and you’re pushing me, Kitty. I like to think I have control of myself, but you’re testing that.”
“I won’t do it again. I’ll—”
He presses a finger to my lips to silence me.
“Thank you for explaining your fear. I’ve always wondered what that felt like.”
I stare at him blankly, and he picks up the machete and stands. I shrink away while he holds it so carelessly, it swaying as it dangles from his fingers.
“As for earlier, I don’t want to bring it up again. But I don’t want any more disrespect… I know I goaded you, and I shouldn’t have. I’ll keep your insecurities in mind from now on.”
He flips the machete so he’s holding the blade and then tosses it into the closet. Surely, he won’t leave it there. Not now that I know where the hidey hole is.
Still, as soon as it’s out of sight, tension eases in my chest. I’m dizzy as my body comes down from the adrenaline, and I could lay down here on this plastic and go to sleep.
He holds out his hand, and I take it, letting him help me up. As soon as he lets me go, my head spins and my knees buckle. Lorenzo catches me and lifts me into his arms.
He carries me to the bed and lays me down.
We stare at each other for what feels like too long, and I have to look away. I’m still shaken. I don’t know if I everwon’tbe after leaving here.IfI leave here.
He sighs and pulls out his phone.
I hear it ringing, and when it stops, Lorenzo speaks without waiting for their greeting.
“I need you to bring some food for Kitty. Anything vegan.”
