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Settimo sighs and we stop in front of his ball. The caddy waits for Settimo’s signal out of earshot.
“I’m sorry about the girl. I know she was… fun, for you.”
My hands ball to fists inside my pockets, and I keep perfectly still. I don’t look at Settimo, and I don’t allow my expression to change. I stare at the flag signaling where the hole is.
“She was a person, Settimo. Not a toy.”
“Of course not,” he says, although he doesn’t sound convinced.
A long pause follows, and Settimo calls the caddy over. He takes his shot, and I bristle while I follow him to the hole where it takes a tap from his putter to sink the ball.
I bristle the whole time I have to wait, but I say nothing. He’s the underboss.Myboss. It doesn’t matter that we shared the same home or the same father. We didn’t share the same life or the same childhood. Settimo was required to display perfection, while Anthony and I had leniency while we were in the shadows. This is Settimo’s reward.
We begin walking again, and Settimo breaks the silence. “How long are you going to be pissed about this?”
I say nothing and Settimo stops and grabs my shoulder to turn me his way. “What the hell is wrong, Lorenzo? I gave you your time at the cabin. What more do you want from me?”
“Respect,” I say, matter of fact. I’ve learned it’s far more effective to speak with neutrality than it is to speak with emotion. Especially when the other person is angry. And especially when that other person is Settimo.
“Youhavemy respect.”
I narrow my eyes and pull my shoulder out of his grasp. He seems hurt. Like he wants me to pat him on the back and laugh all this off, and I’m the asshole for not doing it.
“You wouldn’t possibly know this, Settimo, but it does not feel good to beg. I’ve taken orders from you since I became a man, and I have never complained. Your word is always held higher than mine, and I’ve accepted it. But all this time I thought if wedidhave a disagreement about something personal tome, you would give me the benefit of the doubt. Instead, you gave me orders. You gaveothersorders concerning me. And then you sicked our mother on me instead of covering for me.”
“Was I supposed to lie to Ma?”
My jaw clenches, and I stare blankly into his eyes. “If there’s no more you need to tell me, I’d like to get back to my men. I’m sure I have much to do.”
Settimo’s face hardens, and he tips his chin. “Fine. Check in with Anthony before you do. He’s expecting your call.”
“Great.”
I turn and head back up the hill.
“Guess I won’t see you for lunch today, then?”
I ignore the question and keep walking, all the while I see Amelia in my mind. She’s a pretty sleeper, with her lips parted just barely and bursts of breaths slicing through them. Her curly hair frames her soft face. She looks so at peace, so beautiful.
I wonder how much she hates me right now for not saying goodbye. Not in person, at least. The one word was all I knew to write on the note I placed on the kitchen counter. The keys to my car were on top of it. Last night, I used my mother’s cell phone to call Joe. He picked me up this morning before sunrise.
Last night was the best night of my life, and there is no way I could’ve walked away from it if I had to look into her big brown eyes before doing so. I can already hear her cry, and the words I imagine she’d use to beg me fill my head. Things that once had no effect except to amuse me now have the power to bring me to my knees and betray the people I once loved the most. Until now.
I hope she can forgive me.
I wouldn’t.
