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That would be a first.
I nod because I don’t know what to say. The more seconds that tick by, the more awkward the silence becomes. Abi's cheeks flush with embarrassment, almost as if she told me something extremely personal. If she did, I don't understand it. Does she think she’s the only woman who’s been with a guy for money?
She stares off into space like she’s remembering something, like she’s a thousand miles away right now. I don’t know why, but I feel like I owe her something. The time that goes by is excruciating. I shift uncomfortably until I can’t take it anymore, and I speak without thinking.
“My mother was German.”
Abi blinks, then meets my gaze. “What?”
“You mentioned I didn’t look full-blood Italian. That’s why.”
She looks off like she’s thinking again, and I relax at the halt to the conversation. I rub a hand over my chest I didn’t realize had tightened, and my fingers go to loosen my tie, but they freeze when Abi speaks again.
“When did she die?”
I’m still for several seconds, and when I feel like I can move again, I continue with my tie. I can feel Abi staring at me, but it’s my turn to avoid eye-contact.
“How did you know?”
“You said ‘was’. ShewasGerman.”
I rest my hands on my thighs and resist the urge to wipe the sweat off. It’s a reflex at this point. Always aware of my actions and reactions, never doing anything to make myself look weak. I can’t sort out anymore if it’s because of my father or my job.
I glance at Abi to see her patiently waiting, her eyes attentive and her posture relaxed.
“I was twenty-five. It was cancer… She’d been sick for a long time, so it didn’t come as a surprise.”
“I don’t know that that makes it any easier. It’s hard losing a parent… no matter when or how.”
My mother’s death isn’t something I talk about. On the rare instances it comes up, it’s awkward. No one knows what to say, and everything out of their mouth sounds like bullshit. For once, I don’t feel that awkward tension, and I assume it’s because Abi lost parents, herself. I almost ask how old she was when her parents died, but I decide she can offer that up on her own if she wants to.
“Is that why you stayed in Las Vegas for school?”
“Yeah.” I rub the back of my neck. “Listen, I get that we’re supposed to know personal details about each other, but I’d rather not talk about this.”
Her lips pull into a slight frown and she gives me a knowing look. “I understand.”
I glance at my watch and stand. “That’s probably good enough for the details. I’ll make up a list of basic facts for you to memorize, and you can send me the same. Birthdays, food allergies, that kind of thing. Anything else we’ll just make up as we go. They haven’t known me for a long time, so it shouldn’t be too difficult.”
“Okay,” she says, her voice still somber. I wish she’d stop that. She isn’t nearly as good at masking emotion as she needs to be to survive in this world. She stands. “I need to get home anyway.”
“Right,” I say heading for the door. I open my mouth to ask if she needs money for a babysitter, and then close it. No exchange of money. I wish I would’ve known she’d be this stubborn before I had her fired.
I take Abi back to her car, both of us quiet during the ride, and then I head back to the condo. I have a hell of a lot of work to catch up on, but I’d rather be alone.
