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ABI
My hand smoothes over Zeke’s soft, blond hair, as it has been for the last ten minutes while he’s slept. I used to do this when he was nothing but a little boy, innocent and unknowing, too young for this life to taint him. Now I can’t seem to stop.
“I love you,” I whisper to him, my eyes blurring with tears I refuse to shed.
This feels so reminiscent of the night before we left Devin. I stayed awake, sitting in Zeke’s room long after he fell asleep, terrified of the danger I was about to put him in. It’s so similar to how I feel now, it’s breaking me. It feels like it’ll never end.
Tomorrow, we’re going to leave. As much as it kills me, as much trepidation as I feel, and as helpless as the attempt seems.
I decided while I was putting Zeke to sleep. We talked for what felt like a century, but was more like a couple hours, about his father and who he really is. Colter was there for some of it, and I was so grateful for it that it sent a shiver down my spine and rebuilt the walls I spent so hard building the first time around.
If I’m not careful, I’ll grow dependent on him.Zekewill grow dependent on him. Already, I can feel myself craving his comfort and his help. I want him to hold me while I cry and comfort my son when I can’t, and I promised myself I would never fall into that again. Especially not while Devin is in the picture.
Devin will ruin Colter. Of that I’m certain. He’ll do more than wreck his career, he’ll expose the skeletons in his closet. He’ll find out everything he can about Colter and ensure no one in Las Vegas dares to trust Colter Gruco again, and that might end up getting Colter killed. But I doubt it. Colter’s family seems to genuinely care for him, even if he can’t see it. It’s me they’ll likely retaliate against, and hopefully Devin too.
Images of Devin’s lifeless body crumpled on the ground before that sickening smile of Lorenzo’s fills my mind, and instead of terrified, I’m hopeful. Maybe I’ll die before all of this is over. I’llprobablydie before all of this is over. But at least if Devin does decide to ruin Colter, I can count on the Grucos to retaliate. It’s the closest I’ll ever get to revenge.
But, of course, I won’t let it go that far.
I pull my hand back, my heart racing with anticipation as I give my son one last look. I don’t feel right letting him out of my sight, but I need to do this.
I stand from the bed and quietly leave the room.
When I click the door shut, I turn and startle when I’m met with the broad chest of a very large man.
“Jesus, you scared me,” I say to Ethan, letting out a shuddery laugh and lowering my hand from my chest.
“Sorry,” he says, his lips pulling briefly into an apologetic smile. “How is he?” Ethan nods to the door. Concern plays in his eyes. It’s touching.
“He’s okay,” I assure him. “He will be, anyway.”
Ethan nods. “Good… You’ve got a good kid.”
His voice holds emotion that tells me he’s sincere, and his expression is sympathetic. It’s a little strange. It’s sweet that he cares for Zeke, but he’s almost acting guilty. As if he has anything to do with tonight.
“Thank you.” I smile politely. “That means a lot.”
He says nothing in return and I gesture behind him. “Well, I’m feeling tired, so I’m off to bed.”
Ethan nods and steps to the side.
I walk past and head for a bedroom adjacent to Colter’s room, which is just a few rooms down from the guest bedroom Zeke is staying in tonight.
“He hasn’t gone to bed yet,” Ethan says.
I throw him a look over my shoulder and Ethan waves toward the stairs. “He’s in his office.”
“Thanks.” I smile a bit awkwardly and shuffle past Ethan and down the stairs. I’m a little embarrassed at having been so obvious about going to see Colter, but I acknowledge it isn’t rational. Ethan isn’t stupid. He knows there’s much more to me and Colter than him helping out a woman in need and her son.
Much more.
I get to the bottom step and wander around until I spot Oliver, and he shows me where Colter’s office is.
“Come in,” Colter says when I knock.
I open the door just enough so I can slide inside the office and then I quietly click it shut behind me. I think of everything I want to say to him and the speech I’ve been rehearsing in my mind since I decided we’d be leaving tomorrow. He deserves so much more than I could ever give him, and I won’t even be giving him a goodbye. I’m too afraid he’d manage to talk me out of leaving.
But he does need to know how I feel about him. How incredible he is, and how much I wish things were different. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change how we met or the consequences that came with it.
