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No. I wasn’t going to do it to myself. If I couldn’t be trusted not to look at my phone, I was going to leave it in the bedroom and go into the living room and watch a film to take my mind off him.
Two hours later, I couldn’t resist any longer, so I went into my bedroom and pressed the home button to wake up my phone. There was a reply from him, but it seemed to be just an emoji. I went into the app and clicked on his name to open the chat, and sure enough it just had the winking face with tongue emoji:
WTF? Was thatit?
NoI miss you? No flirting? Just an emoji? What the hell was I supposed to make of that?
I knew he was working, but I hated all this. I hadn’t had to do all the will he/won’t he call/message crap for over fifteen years and certainly didn’t miss it.
I was out of my comfort zone again. I clicked on Fran’s image and messaged her, as she seemed to understand a lot about men and how their minds worked.
Me
Hey, Fran, how are you?
She replied almost instantly.
Fran
Good, hon. You? Heard much from Lorenzo?
That was the kind of quick messaging I liked. No waiting around for a reply…
Me
Well, not really…if I message him, he’ll message back (but he’s not very verbose). Otherwise, if I don’t message, I don’t hear from him. I can’t work out whether it’s because he’s genuinely busy and I’m being paranoid/expecting too much or if he’s just not interested…
Fran
Well, with men, if you don’t know what to say or do, it’s best not to do anything…
Me
Very true
Fran
You can either put it down to experience and enjoy the memories or do the whole long-distance thing, which won’t be easy, especially as he still seems to have issues, notably with his ex, so worth taking that into account too…xxx
Me
Well, I’m not completely crazy, so not considering the long-distance thing. That wouldn’t work for a million reasons.
Me
I’ll give it some more thought and decide how I’m going to play it. I know we didn’t get to chat last week, so can I still call you if I need another perspective next week?
Fran
Of course, hon xxx
It was amazing how comfortable I felt speaking to someone I had only known for a week. Although we’d only messaged briefly, somehow, I had greater clarity on the situation.
The long-distance relationship thing wouldn’t work. But I wasn’t quite ready to consign everything to the memory bank yet either.
That evening with Lorenzo had been amazing, but we had unfinished business. I wanted to progress to lesson two. Ineededto know what it felt like to have him inside me.
I was at least a decade behind the curve. I was essentially a MARGIN trying to navigate my way around this man-minefield. But if we had a dirty weekend together, then I’d feel like we’d at least finished what we’d started. I would have had a more comprehensive experience, got some great practice in and would be ready to go out there and date more confidently in the real world.
And as well as being talented in the kitchen, after showing me how skilful he was with his hands and those lips, I was convinced that Lorenzo would be an expert in the bedroom too. The perfect professor to teach this willing student.
Yes. A naughty weekend. That’s what I wanted to happen next. Two hot and steamy days and nights of passionate kissing and explosive sex.
And just like on that last night, where I’d set out a plan to make Lorenzo mine, I was prepared to do whatever it took to be with him once again.
