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“Oh maybe, but it’s not worth it to me to sue them. They’d hide behind a team of lawyers and even if I won, the end result wouldn’t come for years. I’d rather just continue to hurt their business whenever I can. That’s where they’ll see it. Maybe one day they’ll pay attention. But if not, hey, more business for you, right?”
Alessandra nodded. “Exactly. It’s not right, though. There aren’t a lot of women in this industry, and when shit like that happens, it’s worse. It’s difficult being one of the few, and it’s one of the reasons I guard my reputation and my career so fiercely. When one of us falls, it discourages young women who might aspire to lead. But when one of us succeeds, others follow. The fact you spoke up for Vanessa…? That’s impressive, and it took courage.”
Beau wanted to find the right words to show her that he was the one who was impressed. He needed her to see that he valued and respected her commitment to her career. “Alessandra, you’re talented and successful. And you’re beautiful. I can only imagine what you might have experienced growing up in the industry. Hell, I contributed to some of your roadblocks. And I’m sorry for that. But know this; I respect you, and I can tell just by interacting with your staff that they do, too. You’ve said before that you were embarrassed by your father’s actions. His actions don’t take away one iota of the respect I—and I would suspect the rest of the industry—feel about you. You were, and are, a trailblazer. I’m guessing there are thousands of young women in the industry who aspire to be just like you. So be proud of that. Be proud ofyouand all you have accomplished.”
Alessandra and Beau went to the dining room, finding an open bottle of wine ready for them. Alessandra had been overwhelmed by the evening so far. Beau had taken the time to plan an extravagant date. He had trusted her with Vanessa’s story. He’d expressed to Alessandra how much he valued her as a career woman.
The more they talked, the more her feelings for him took hold. Her emotions were no longer vague—they were clear in her head and in her heart. They scared her, but being with him, remembering what her mom had told her, was giving her the confidence to let go of her fear.
As they were eating their appetizer, Alessandra decided to open up more. “Thanks for saying that about my career. My mom thinks I’ve never married because of how I remember her being hurt by my dad. She thinks I’m afraid everyone will be like him.”
“Is that accurate?” His voice was quiet, but not insistent. Alessandra knew she could pull back, say less, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to share with this man all about herself. If it was too much for him to handle, at least she would know.
“Yes. I’ve known it, but I try to shove the thought aside. It’s true, though. I tend to keep myself distant. If someone is in the industry, I say it’s because I don’t trust gamblers—no offense,” she said at the joking shock on Beau’s face. “On the other hand, if someone isn’t in the industry, I say they don’t understand my career. It’s starting to hit home that I’ve kept men at arm’s length for one reason or another. I think the root cause of all that is that I just don’t want to risk being hurt like my dad hurt my mom. Which sounds pretty stupid at forty-two, doesn’t it? You’d think I would have fixed it by now.”
“I’d be the last person who should judge that. I’m just now figuring things out myself. If yesterday’s conversation with your mom helped, the timing was finally right for you. I’m sure she’s shared versions of it with you before, hasn’t she? Why did it resonate now?”
“Good question. For a few reasons, I think? One is, she actually admitted to me that his actions did hurt. She’s always defended him before. The other is that she said despite the hurt, she would do it all over again. That the love they shared was so incredible, she wouldn’t want to have missed it. And the third reason is…” She didn’t know if she should continue.
“Go ahead. Tell me. I want to know,” Beau said. Alessandra suspected he knew what she was thinking, but his words encouraged her to continue.“The third reason is that I met you. And my feelings for you, I can finally admit to myself, are different from any other man. And it makes me want to take risks I haven’t before. That’s all. I wanted you to know. And now that you do, we can certainly change the conversation.”
“I don’t want to change the conversation. I’m glad you told me, because to be honest, I’ve been struggling knowing what we have here. This… relationship? I know how committed you are to your job, and I wondered sometimes if the time we spent together was more about business than a real connection—”
Alessandra’s eyes widened. Did he really think she would be faking it just to increase profits?
“Before you get mad at me thinking that way, I want you to know that for me, it is a real connection. I didn’t wonder how you felt all the time. Only sometimes,” Beau said.
Nora interrupted with their next course, which gave Alessandra a chance to gather her thoughts. She was hurt. Yes, she’d intended to flirt with Beau to give him a challenge and to keep him gambling. But only someone very calculating would have sex just for profits. “I would never be sexually involved just to get a customer, Beau. I can’t believe you thought that. And I’m sorry I gave you that impression. I guess it’s my own fault, though.”
“I’m sorry, too. It’s not just your fault. It’s not like I was opening myself up emotionally. But as you say, you were being distant. There was a connection one minute, I thought, and then the next, it seemed gone. Now I know why. But also, my own doubts probably clouded my thinking.”
“What doubts?”
“They’re similar to yours, but from the other point of view. I saw how my father let down my mom, time after time. He’d say he was going to be home by a certain day, then he wasn’t. There were so many holidays and birthdays he missed because there was a rich poker game he had to get in on or a big tournament that lasted longer than expected.”
“But he never took her money or stole or anything like that, did he?”
“No, he didn’t. And as I look back, I don’t think it bothered my mom all that much. But as a kid, it bothered me. And it really bothered me when she died, and I had to take care of all the funeral arrangements because my dad and my big brother were both off gambling when she died. Shit, I wouldn’t have been there either if I had gone deeper into the tournament we were all playing in. It just made me think that professional gamblers are better off not having any relationship commitments. It’s too easy to let someone down.”
“And now?” Alessandra was hopeful his perspective had changed.
“Now…? I’m not sure. But it’s like what you said; now, I think I’m willing to take the risk. I also haven’t felt this way about anyone else. And between your job and mine, can it work? I don’t know. I worry you’d eventually expect me to compromise my career, or I’d eventually expect you to compromise yours. I don’t want either of us to let the other down.”
Alessandra realized Beau hadn’t changed his perspective entirely. And really, had she? Not totally. “That’s the problem with staying single for as long as we have,” she said. “It’s hard to see our lives with another person so closely involved.”
Beau’s dark eyes lightened in the candlelight when he looked at her. “But you’re willing to take the risk now, is that right?”
Alessandra knew the rest of their dinner was to come. She almost didn’t want to wait until it was over. His comment sent a shiver through her. It made her want to head to the bedroom right away and take away both their doubt.
“That’s right,” she said.
“Then hopefully tonight will be the first of many more dates, however we’re able to work it out between both our careers.”
It’s still hard to see how it would work out between us, Alessandra thought. They lived in two different cities and they both had busy jobs. Nevertheless, she raised her glass for a toast. “To tonight. And to the future, whatever it might bring.”
Beau’s glass joined hers. “I’ll toast to that.”
