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Chapter Eleven
Afterarrivingbackatthe hotel, Alessandra was on edge. Every time her brain wanted to process the fight she’d had with Beau, she forced the thought away. She was both angry and hurt by what he’d said, but she didn’t want to focus on the feeling. And luckily, the New Year’s Eve preparations were an effective distraction.
Once back in her actual office, however, she couldn’t avoid Sailor’s observant look.
“Spill. You look miserable. What happened?”
“The usual. Everything was going fine, then it wasn’t. And now it’s not a ‘thing’ to worry about anymore.”
“I know how you felt—how you feel—about Beauden Brooks, Alessandra. I’ve known you too long and you can’t fool me. And whatever happened made you upset. You’re not hiding it very well.”
“Yes, I admit I’m upset. We ended things. I don’t know what it is about him,” Alessandra replied. “The whole week, it was like I tried to pull myself away from him, but then all of a sudden, he would give me some look or say something sweet, and I would hear myself basically asking him to take me to bed.”
“It’s more than sex, Alessandra. I can see it. If you feel that way, why did you end things?”
Alessandra explained what had happened after her conversation with Wyatt. “So then, he accused me of sleeping with him to hit the revenue target. Like I’m so focused on my career that I would do that.”
Sailor thought for a moment. “Let me ask you this. You originally told me it was going to be all-business between the two of you. Didn’t want to rekindle anything. And you wanted to distance yourself. You have to admit, in the beginning, your attention on him was, truthfully, about the business.”
Guilt seeped into her thoughts as Alessandra thought about Sailor’s words.
“Can’t you see where he’s coming from? He’s hurting, Alessandra. And I can tell that you are, too. What I see are two people who, over the last twenty years, have developed a million reasons why long-term relationships will never work with their careers. You both have been so focused on the negative that you blow even the slightest misunderstanding way out of proportion. But really, Alessandra, why? Why do you need to do that? Why can’t you just find a little happiness outside the casino?”Alessandra thought for a moment. “It’s a good question, I suppose. But this misunderstanding, as you call it? He won’t get over it. He was too angry. I tried to convince him he was wrong, but he wouldn’t listen. If I’m going to decide to have any sort of relationship—which seems very doubtful at this point—it’s not going to be with Beau Brooks. Besides, as I’ve said before, he’s a gambler, just like my dad, and—”
“Jesus, Alessandra. I’m going to lay some truth on you. Don’t be offended, just listen to me. Not every professional gambler is like your dad. You’re too smart to think that, and you’re listening to that little disappointed girl inside you. Start listening to the smart casino CEO I know is also inside you. You know professional gamblers. They’ve been your customers for years. They don’t all steal money from their daughters and hack into their wives’ work accounts. Your dad did that, Alessandra.Yours.Not everybody’s dad does that. And there are dads who do shitty things who aren’t even professional gamblers.”
“Ouch, thanks for the reminder,” Alessandra quipped sarcastically. Sailor rarely disagreed with her. Alessandra was pissed Sailor would choose to do so today. As if the day hadn’t been bad enough, she didn’t need to be reminded of her inner-child disappointments. “You’re not my therapist.” “I know you’re pissed at me right now. But I’ve watched you push and climb and achieve your success for the last ten years. I’ve also watched you find all types of stupid reasons not to take a chance on any man, in any profession. You can tell yourself this bullshit about why you don’t want a relationship with Beau. But don’t expect me to sit back and pretend like you’re right. Because you’re not. You’re just too chicken shit to give him another chance.”
Sailor walked out, leaving Alessandra alone. She was still angry at Sailor’s comments, even though the words rang true. That’s probably why they’d hurt so much. And that’s probably also why she had been so angry at Beau.
In truth, Alessandra had been miserable all day, and her conversation with Sailor had made it worse. She had tried to put aside thoughts of Beau, but now she had a hole in the pit of her stomach, one that was hard to ignore. She’d been disappointed by men in the past, but never had she felt this despondent. Twenty years ago, she’d been able to ignore the hurt when he’d left without calling her. How could it be that, now, she was this distraught at the thought of never being with him again? Taking that chance wasn’t worth the hurt she was feeling now.
Or was it? Alessandra thought about what her mom had shared. Claire had been hurt greatly by Brian, yet she’d continued to love him. She’d said it was worth it.
Alessandra reflected over the week. In the beginning, all she’d been thinking about was how bad it would be to start her career over at another resort, if she could even find a job in Las Vegas. But from the moment Beau arrived, that thought had taken a back seat. It was there, but when Alessandra spent time with Beau, it seemed less important.
Logically, the only thing Alessandra should be worried about right now is The Benson being sold. The thing at this moment that actually worried her the most, however, was knowing she’d never see Beau Brooks again. Knowing she might be making a huge mistake by not trying harder. Knowing that, if she didn’t get over her relationship demons, she’d end up alone and without the man who was, most likely, the one she’d been waiting for all her life. Without him by her side, there would be no one else she could imagine sharing in her successes. No one else who would be able to comfort her during disappointments.
Beau had been so angry at her this morning that Alessandra couldn’t see a path forward for the two of them. Sailor was right in saying Beau was just as skeptical about relationships as Alessandra was, and that’s how Alessandra knew it would be impossible to earn his trust back.
She’d screwed it up by not telling him the whole truth about her situation. She knew that now. She also knew that the damage she’d done was irreparable. It was just now dawning on her that it took her heart breaking to realize that having Beauden Brooks in her life would always be more important than being the CEO at The Benson. She could find another job, but she couldn’t replace Beau.
But sadly, I may just lose them both.
Beau arrived back to his hotel room a few hours after Alessandra had left. His anger continued to simmer during the limo ride home. He knew how much Alessandra’s job meant to her. After such a wonderful evening last night, when they had connected on so many levels, he had to admit to himself that he was… hurt.
Why hadn’t she told him what a difficult position she was in with Wyatt? If there wasn’t anything to hide, they could have talked about it. The only explanation is that she couldn’t, because she’d do anything to keep her job, including using him in her strategy.
Sitting on the couch of his suite, Beau’s phone buzzed. He was immediately intrigued, hoping Alessandra was texting him. Maybe she wanted to apologize? Even if she did, would he be able to trust her again? And with their very different careers, would it even be a good idea to try? Maybe not.
Beau looked down. The text was from his dad. Beau called Redman back.
“Wanted to call and wish you Happy New Year,” Redman said.
It was unlike Redman to make this type of social call, especially twice in one week. Beau wondered what was happening. “Happy New Year, Dad. What’s going on? Is something wrong?”
“No, not at all, just thought I’d call and see how you were doing? How’s the action? Make any money on this trip?”
Still not giving the real reason, although he played along. “The action was great. They did a big tournament, and the bonus part was I was able to help them steal a bunch of players from Magnum.” Redman knew the reason for Beau’s dislike of the company.
