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There was not a bed. She was leanning agents a wall.
‘It’s not what you think, it wasn’t like that!’ she burst out, horrified. ‘Matt got the key for the old cottage and we went to have a look round it. We kissed in one of the empty bedrooms when we thought the boys were playing, that’s all. Oliver didn’t like it, and as soon as we realised how upset Oliver was … well, it was all that happened.’ She glanced at Matt, unsure what else to say. ‘Harry didn’t even see anything!’
‘What exactly did Harry say?’ Matt came to stand beside her, and she felt him tense up; she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. He didn’t say anything, and yet she could feel his arm rigid against hers and she hoped he wasn’t going to lose his temper like James. He was shaking, but not with anger. First, he tried to pretend it was a cough, and he cleared his throat, but he couldn’t help himself.
He was laughing.
She read on:
Oliver pushed me and hit me. It hurt.
‘Well, he did hit me quite hard, you know?’ Harry said innocently.
‘You see, when I read that last post, I knew we had to intervene,’ said Laurie. ‘I was so worried for Harry.’
‘I can see why you might have thought —’ Amy began, but James spoke over her.
‘Then there was the “titty book”. What on earth were you letting Harry see something like that for?’ he said.
‘Oh. Harry, why don’t you go to the tent and get the Titty book?’ Amy said, trying to supress her laughter. Now was not the time. This was a serious situation.
‘I don’t want to see something like that!’ Laurie said, dismay written all over her face.
‘Here!’ said Harry, proudly, wriggling out of the tent, presenting her with the old copy of Swallows and Amazons.
‘But this is an old kids' story book,’ James said, looking over Laurie’s shoulder. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Oh,’ said Laurie after a weighty pause. ‘I think I do. I remember reading this myself as a child. It’s the story of four children in the Lake District, if I remember correctly. John, Susan, Roger and … Titty.’
‘She’s called Titty!’ Harry giggled. ‘Titty, Titty, Titty!’
There was another pause as everyone looked at everyone else, and both boys started jumping around shouting “Titty, Titty.”
‘Stop that, will you boys?’ said Matt, calmly, and thankfully both boys decided stopping was probably a good thing to do.
‘Ah. I see. The Titty book,’ James said, almost gasping for air.
‘Amy has kindly been reading it with both the boys at bedtime.’ Matt was watching James carefully.
‘Quality reading time with Harry, that’s what you suggested, wasn’t it, James?’ Amy said.
James turned red, puffed out his cheeks, turned around to speak to Laurie who had her lips pursed, then turned back again, coughed. ‘Oh … I … It seems … I … I’m … I don’t know what to say.’
Matt and Amy looked at each other.
‘Sorry?’ Amy prompted. Laurie wouldn’t look at her and seemed unwilling to reply. James was gasping like a fish on a riverbank.
‘Oh … yes, of course. I’m sorry,’ he said, quietly. ‘I over-reacted. Shamefully. I should have realised Harry is apt to use colourful descriptions sometimes. So, if it wasn’t what we thought it was, what exactly was “bonky bonky”?’
Hearing him say it in such a strained, sensible tone of voice almost made Amy burst out laughing again and she could feel Matt quivering.
‘Harry, would you like to explain “bonky bonky” to your dad?’ she said, trying to get her giggles under control.
‘I’ll show you. Look! He dived into the open tent doorway and onto his airbed. ‘You go “bonky, bonky, bonky” on the airbed!’
He demonstrated enthusiastically, bouncing up and down on his bum and before Amy could stop laughing long enough to call him off, with an audible pop, the second airbed burst.
‘Whoops!’ he said, as he sat, giggling, on the rapidly deflating air bed. ‘This one exploded too. Never mind.’ He grinned broadly and beatifically at those around him.
