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The fact she was right only made me angrier. I pressed the gas petal harder and jerked on the wheel to cut around another car, nearly running us off the road. I didn’t give a shit.
“Luca, please pull over! You need to calm down!” Her screams of panic pierced my eardrums.
Fuck!
I swung the vehicle onto an empty off-ramp, made a right and pulled into a parking lot belonging to abandoned store fronts. The tires left black rubber streaks on the concrete as the SUV slid to a stop.
I shoved the car in park wanting to break the shifter clean off. My breathing was ragged as blood pounded in my ears. I couldn’t stop the anger form mounting. I felt like a volcano ready to blow, gripping the steering wheel hard enough to crush it in my hands. I tried… tried and failed to calm the rage inside me.
“Luca?” Becka shaky tone hit me and I exploded.
Everything broke loose inside. Regret and guilt for not being there. Anger that Matteo was dealing with Lorenzo’s death alone. I should be by his side right now.
And I felt an incredible loss for a man who had taken me off the streets; gave me a home and a life. Even if my opinion of that recently changed, it did not change the fact that without him taking me in I probably would have died a thieving, homeless junkie by the time I was eighteen.
“FUUUUCK!” I screamed so loud and long I was sure my throat would bleed. Balling my hands into fists I beat on the steering wheel like a savage. Crying out with roars of anger and pain with every swing of my hands. And I couldn’t seem to stop. Didn’t want to stop.
When my arms felt heavy and my hands pulsed in pain I stopped and rested my forehead on the top of the steering wheel, hands limply grasping it. Vomit burned my throat, my guts churned and roiled. Taking deep breaths I started to slow my breathing, my mind coming back into focus. I’d never felt so out of control in my entire life. I hated it. Hated everything I was feeling, but the feeling of failure burned the most. Anger settled into the driver’s seat. I wanted to be angry; wanted to hurt something. Hurt it until it felt as bad as I did.
Then I heard heavy breathing that wasn’t my own. Becka.
I raised my head to look at her and my heart stopped. Her whole body shook. The orange in her irises glowed, looking brighter than I’d ever seen them. She swallowed hard, staring at me with wide, terrified eyes. Her back firmly pressed to the passenger side door, one hand rested on the door handle as if prepared to bolt out of the car. I stared at her and she started right back, like I was the scariest thing she had ever encountered.
Shit.
I couldn’t blame her. I would be scared of me too. A sickening feeling punched me in the gut. I knew I should say something, reassure her I was in control but all I could feel was bitter rage and self-loathing clawing viciously at my insides. And… resentment.
If it wasn’t for us having to be in California, I would have been in Boston with Matteo— where I belonged.
“We need to go.”
We drove the rest of the way in silence. After a few minutes Becka semi-relaxed in her seat, making sure to keep her distance from me. I couldn’t blame her, I was giving her a cold shoulder that would rival the arctic.
We boarded the plane and I sat on the other side of the isle from Becka, not speaking or looking at her. A total dick move but my conscience was now too far gone to care. Becka settled on the couch across from me, watching me wearily from the corner of her eye. She sat with her knees drawn up looking sad. And I couldn’t even bring myself to care.
Monster.
The plane lifted into the air and I willed it to move at the speed of light. My body came under control but my mind boiled with pure rage. This never should have happened. I should have been there. I wouldn’t have been at the scene but would have been there to do my job when Matteo needed me the most. Maybe if I had assigned the guards like usual it wouldn't have happened at all. I’d been neglecting my duties for the past week which knotted my stomach, but this; this was a bullet to the liver.
I felt Becka’s eyes on me, but couldn’t bring myself to look at her.
Dark thoughts marched to the beat of my racing heart. If it wasn’t for her grandmother there would’ve been no reason for me to be in California. If I hadn’t claimed Becka none of this would have been my problem. If I could turn back time…. NO!
The moment the thought flashed in my mind I knew it to be a lie, but it didn’t stop the resentment carried with it. I needed someone to blame. Something I could direct my anger at, to push my pain onto. And she fit the bill as the perfect target. I knew it was fucked up but couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t even bring myself to care.
Monster.
Soon I heard Becka shifting on her couch, a quick glance out of my peripheral showed me she’d laid down on her side, giving me her back. My lip curled into a snarl. I hated that as much as I wanted to be mad at her I still craved her comfort.
Fucked in the head. Damn woman has made me weak.
I stared out the window and brooded in silence for the remainder of the flight.
* * *
When they announced our descent for landing I drug my full gaze to Becka’s sleeping form for the first time. I felt hot and twitchy, craving some form of release to ease the tension that had been building non-stop.
Becka remained on her side facing away from me, her dark hair spread out above her head revealing her kissable neck. Having changed into a shirt and skinny jeans at her apartment, they hugged the curves of her body to perfection. Her tight ass stuck out begging to be spanked. Desire sparked to life. Despite several hours of pouring blame and resentment on her I still wanted her. Wrapped up in her arms— sex or not— was the only place I found peace when the world started coming down on my head. A growl grew in my throat.
Pussy-whipped weakling. Luca Moretti shouldn’t need comfort.Becka did exactly what I promised myself I wouldn’t allow her to accomplish—she became my weakness.
My eyes narrowed at her sleeping state. I was in no position to touch her. With all the anger still singeing my skin I would take her like an animal. I would fuck her like I was fighting my enemy, without caring one bit about her own pleasure. My cock twitched at the image of taking her like a beast. Then remembered how she looked in the car after I flipped out and gave her the coldest shoulder since then. She wouldn’t want any part of me. Especially not angry sex. That only worked if it was two sided.
Adjusting my stiff cock I looked away, the temptation getting to me the longer I drank in her sexy body sprawled across the plush leather couch that looked perfect for fucking.
Growling under my breath I watched out the window as the plane touched down.
