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BECKA
I’d been naked before I entered the bathroom.
After getting in the SUV I’d gazed blindly out the window as the world became unrecognizable. Nothing had seemed real. Like moving through a dream that wasn’t my own. Then I closed my eyes and reality came crashing down on my heart with the weight of a condemned building.
This wasn’t someone else’s dream, or my own. It was real. Then I felt that familiar rush of fear from long ago and stomped it down. I’m stronger than this. God, please make me stronger than this.
When we reached our destination it looked like something out of a fairytale. I couldn’t deny that the house was beautiful. But this wasn’t a fairytale. Not even close.
I kept it together with sarcasm as I entered my prison, but it was just a front. A tactic I used often to hide my emotions. I wanted to shove my fake sunshine right up their asses, along with any thought that tonight broke me. Because it didn’t. I won’t allow it.
Then when Luca smiled at me I flushed for two reasons. One, because his smile was so beautiful it physically hurt to look at, making my body react to him no less than when we’d been dancing. Then I flushed hot at how angry I was at myself for not being able to do a damn thing about it. Or want to.
But once I entered my room and heard the lock click, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. My emotions overwhelmed me. The entire time in Lorenzo’s office, the car ride, and walking down the long hallway to my gilded cell, it had taken every bit of my strength to keep my emotions at bay.
When I was a little girl, it had been a must for survival. So, I stuffed everything way down deep until I was alone.
And once I was, the flood gates burst open and the feelings I’d kept locked down all night came crashing over me in a title wave.
I slumped against the door nearly falling to the floor, my breathing became ragged and my eyes burned like fire. Shower. I needed to get to the shower. I was alone but someone might still be able to hear me crying. I wasn’t willing to take that chance.
So, I’d rushed to the shower leaving a string of clothes behind me. I ignored the luxurious bathroom and all its glory. Jumped inside the glass walls and turned the water to scolding hot. Then let everything go.
My tears came instantly, ugly sobs rushed out. The sound disturbing, even to my own ears. Unable to stay on my feet I had crumbled to the tile floor.
But then the water was turning cold, so I gingerly reached up and turned off the water. I emerged from the bathroom exhausted, mentally and physically. My head was pounding, my wrist hurt like hell and my cheek felt tight where Nico had struck me, twice. Fucking prick. Releasing everything I had bottled up inside took their toll once I’d given them freedom. My brain moved into shut-down mode. I didn’t want to think about anything, feel anything.
I just wanted the night to end.
Halfway across the room I froze. A pile of black silk lay on the bed. Someone had come in and most assuredly heard me crying. I wanted to be angry at that, but didn’t have the energy for it. Maybe it was Arianna? I could handle it being Arianna. She was one of the only two people to hear me cry since I was six.
Excepting there was no way I was going to sleep naked, I slipped the tiny nighty over my body and crawled into the king size bed. I threw my wet hair over the top of my pillow and pulled the covers up to my chin. I wanted so bad to fall asleep and wake up realizing it was all a nightmare.
Sleep eluded me until the first glow of morning peeked through the slits in the shades. I fell asleep thinking of Luca, angry at myself for not being able to cast him out.
Soon I would be bound to the man for the rest of my life, I just wanted a few short hours of reprieve from his presence. Physically and mentally.
