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“Dad told me when I was like…” He raised his gaze to the ceiling. “Thirteen.”
Her head pounded as if someone had taken a jackhammer to it. “He told you when you were thirteen?” She couldn’t keep the horror out of her voice.
Somehow, despite everything, Matthew’s eyes softened. “He wanted me to know that I was his son and Sienna was your daughter and that I would always be the special one. I suppose he believed that would endear him to me. He probably thought I’d rush to tell Sienna so I could have one up on her. I never did. It was my secret. And I already knew—” He shrugged indifferently. “—that Sienna was your favorite.”
Her heart ached. “I don’t have a favorite. I love you both with all my heart.”
“But you knew Sienna needed you more because Dad was such an ass to her.”
She was shocked. She hadn’t thought Matthew, just a child, would have characterized Donald’s behavior that way.
As if he could read the look on her face, he said, “She was always more delicate. When Dad told me, I sort of understood why you had to coddle her. I suppose I felt some resentment, but…” He shrugged as if it no longer mattered, though she knew it must.
“You shouldn’t have had to deal it. You were only thirteen. I wish you’d come to me.” She couldn’t stop herself from reaching across to curl her fingers around his. And he let her. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea you knew or how you felt. I always thought I treated you exactly the same.”
His voice was soothing. “It’s not that I thought you didn’t love me. Just that Sienna took precedence.” His eyes crinkled with a smile. “When Dad told me, it all finally made perfect sense.”
“But we’ve always been distant with each other, haven’t we?” She had to say it aloud.
“I guess. I couldn’t tell you what I knew. And I wouldn’t tell Sienna. It’s hard to be close when you have a big secret, especially with Dad hovering, waiting for the explosion. And he was grooming me for the business right from the beginning. It made me feel special. He always wanted to do everything with me and not Sienna, taking me on school trips, teaching me how to play golf. I just figured I belonged to him and Sienna belonged to you. So yeah, I never felt close to you.” He shook his head regretfully. “A couple of months ago, Sienna said something about me holding a grudge. But I don’t. And I don’t hate you. We’re just not close.” He shrugged. “But that’s okay. I don’t mind.”
She started to cry. She hadn’t meant to. No matter what Matthew’s reaction was, she’d told herself she would remain stoic. She’d stand by him and be whatever he needed her to be. But knowing he’d had the truth all along, that he’d been such a grown-up about it even at thirteen, made her face that she was as guilty for the distance between them as Donald was. “I really thought I was doing my best for you.”
“You did what you had to do. And I’m fine.” He didn’t even seem hurt by it. He didn’t seem to have much feeling about it at all.
But while he said the words that absolved her, she still had so much to make up for.
“I didn’t take care of you,” she said. “I was so concerned about Sienna’s feelings that I never realized how much I wasn’t giving you.” She wiped her eyes.
“Please don’t cry, Mom. I never intended to make you feel bad. I should have let you tell me and pretend I didn’t know.”
A sob welled up. She only held it back by grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose. “My God, you don’t have to apologize for anything. Your father and I are the ones to blame. We let our mistakes affect both of you in terrible ways.”
“You can stop feeling bad, Mom. I’m totally fine.” He nodded his head as if none of it was a big deal. “And Sienna will be fine too.” When he smiled, he looked like Teresa. She’d always thought he was the image of Donald, but his smile was pure Teresa. Maybe that meant it was also purely her.
“I’ll be honest,” he went on. “I love Sienna, even if she’s only my half sister, but the truth is I don’t want to fight her to be head of the company. With his marriage and the new baby coming, I can see Dad stepping away. And I want more responsibility. I want to be a full partner.” His words were harsh, almost callous, and yet there was nothing heartless in her son’s eyes. It was simple practicality.
“And you’re saying don’t rock the boat.”
He wagged his finger at her. “I’m saying he’s controlling and autocratic and manipulative. But if you accept that about him, you can figure out how to work around it. He trusts me. He lets me do pretty much whatever I want. And I really like what I’m doing.” He must have seen something on her face because he added softly, “But I’m not like him. I don’t treat people like crap. I don’t manipulate them or try to control them. I have a knack for getting people to see things my way. Fear doesn’t work. Dad never learned that, but I have.”
Her heart felt close to bursting. “You are so amazing. Exactly the man I always knew you’d grow up to be. And I love you so much. I’m sorry if you ever thought Sienna was my favorite. I want us to be a family. Can we do that?”
He smiled, but he didn’t touch her. “We’ve always been a family, even if we don’t act like it. I’m not a demonstrative person. Ask my girlfriend.”
She wanted to weep again for everything they’d missed. “I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend.”
“She’s pretty important to me. Would you like to meet her sometime?”
“You’re going to make me cry again,” she whispered.
“For the record, I’m sorry too. I never made an effort, since you obviously thought I’d cut you out of my life. Even Sienna thought I was holding a grudge. I never meant to be that way. I’m just busy and I don’t pay attention to all that stuff.”
She should have talked to him years ago. She’d decided he hated her—or maybe Donald had made her believe that—and she’d never confronted the situation. By letting fear dictate her actions for so long, she’d missed years of getting to know her son.
She wasn’t unrealistic, however. This reconciliation was too easy. She had more work to do, and they might never have the closeness she craved. But this was a start.
She pushed out of her chair, rushed around the table, and held Matthew in her arms.
