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CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
Everleigh
The past four months have been the happiest months of my life. I have had no one abusing me, no lectures to attend and homework to worry about, and no one expecting me to please them sexually or in any other way. I have been living like a normal human being and I got the job. The only thing snatching my peace is my mind that occasionally takes me to the dark places that I would rather forget.
I put on a pair of jogging pants and a T-shirt to join Outlaw on his morning run. I’ve been doing this for about a month now. I love the adrenaline rush it gives me.
A forty-five to sixty minute morning run has become my routine. One that now, I can’t start my day without. I wait for him in the hall since he took the spare room while I sleep in his. When he pulls open the door, I see a naked woman laying on the bed. He notices me and quickly shuts the door.
I don’t care who he has sex with, but at the same time, I feel a little jealous.
“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” I say as he approaches me.
“I don’t. Come on, we are already five minutes late.”
“Well, and whose fault is that?” I softly ask as our jog officially begins.
“Okay. I will make it up to you.”
It’s never crossed my mind what types of girls he likes or if he’s dating. He just said the woman in his room wasn’t a girlfriend, so what is she?
“You don’t have to make it up to me. I understand what, or who made you keep me waiting. So, you don’t do dating? Just casual sex?” I ask hoping not to offend him albeit keeping my sudden jealousy in check.
“I have no interest in dating. Never have.”
“Why not?”
“Because it entails the type of commitment that I don’t think I am ready for or I will ever be.”
“So, your whole life will be just about casual sex?” My breath is already fast. Outlaw, however, looks like he just begun.
“Maybe, I don’t know but I don’t think casual sex will ever lose meaning like relationships do.”
“You are afraid of falling in love.”
“No. I am afraid of attachments.”
He suddenly increases his pace, leaving me behind. I don’t bother running after him. I will never catch up with him anyway. I keep my pace, taking my time running back to the clubhouse.
He ignores me when I return. I get it. I struck a nerve. Why, I don’t know. Now I’ll have to endure the cold shoulder. Maybe I should just leave.
I understand why he never wants to love again. Who wants to put themselves out there only to be hurt?
But at the same time, he will have to let those walls down and let someone in. I kind of wish it would be me, but I doubt he even sees me as anything but a charity case.
The woman I saw in Outlaw’s room is leaving as I enter the clubhouse. She smirks at me like she knows my inner thoughts, like she knows I have a crush on my hero.
I head upstairs to the room he’s occupying and knock. I need to apologize.
I knock softly, hoping he heard me.
“Come in,” he calls out.
I push open the door gingerly and stand in the doorway, “I shouldn’t have said what I said. What you do is your business. It won’t happen again.”
“It’s fine,” he replies.
“Okay. Well, I will get out of your hair,” I spin on my heels before I make a fool of myself.
