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FORTY-THREE
‘Maybe it’s time you called the police. . .’
I charged out of my room, a tornado of fear and fury.
My mother was curled up on the couch, the phone tucked against her ear. Staring at the wall opposite through blind eyes.
‘Don’t!’ I screamed. ‘You can’t. . .’
I was trying so hard not to cry, my throat aching with the effort of it.
‘I’ll call you back, Mom.’ She got off the sofa, came over. Her mouth was an ‘O’, her brows knitted.
‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’
I just shook my head, looked down so she wouldn’t see the tears brimming.
‘You can’t,’ I repeated in a gulpy sob. ‘It’s not right. You can’t. . .’
She put her arms around me, pulled me in. I pushed her away; wanting the comfort of her closeness, hating myself for needing it.
‘Sophie? What’s going on?’
‘You ruin everything. Take everything good away.’
‘What do you mea—’
‘I didn’t want to leave Massachusetts, to move halfway across the world. But it didn’t matter, did it? Because it’s what you wanted. Same with my dad. Never mind maybe I still wanted him around. And now Matty. Always thinking the worst of him even if that means driving him away. I stick up for you, but Nanna’s right. You are selfish.’
She flinched.
‘Where’s all this coming from?’ Then, ‘Has something happened at school?’
She reached out to touch my shoulder. I twisted out of the way.
‘This isn’t about school. It’s about Matty. The man you’re supposed to be in love with.’
She sighed, looked at the floor, lips mashing together.
‘I know I’ve been stressing, but it’s going to be okay, Soph. God would never let anything bad happen to us.’
The pressure ball in my chest expanded to bursting point.
‘He’ll leave us. Can’t you see that?’
She shook her head as though trying to dislodge something stuck.
‘What do you—’
‘If you go to the police. That’ll be it. He’ll never forgive you. And nor will I.’
Her expression hardened.
‘Were you listening in on my phone calls again? How many times have I told you—’
‘Please, Mum. He didn’t do this. You know he couldn’t have.’
The tears were streaming down my face now, but I was too upset to mind my pride.
