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“Sure…” She wrote on her pad.
Drake grabbed my thigh. “You can drink, you know. Doesn’t bother me.”
I ignored him and spoke to the server. “Thanks. That, and if you have any bar snacks?”
“Olives… smoke nuts?”
“Both, please.” I was suddenly super hungry. I’d barely eaten today with my trip to Whole Foods, Gardena, and then you could only eat during a crying session if it was ice cream, and we didn’t have any.
“Maeve, I don’t want you changing everything just because I can’t drink.” Drake put his arm around me and tugged me in. “I like you drunk anyway.”
“I don’t really care about that right now.” I didn’t. Much as I wanted to have fun, after all we’d been through in the past weeks, I wanted to iron out what the hell was going on with Myles more than let my hair down with a martini.
The server brought our drinks and food quite quickly since the place was pretty empty. I sipped and nibbled in silence. The sky continued to transform overhead in the way that made you remember how small you were in the grand scheme of things.
“This is a beautiful place,” I broke the silence wistfully. “New York City is the East Coast melting pot. Maybe Venice is the one of the West Coast.”
Drake nodded. “Might be.” He sipped his beer then examined the bottle before turning up his nose slightly.
“The beer isn’t good?”
“It’s okay. How’s your daiquiri?”
I shrugged. “I actually like it better than a real one. Which I never drink. Funny how non-alcoholic virgin drinks take me right to the Caribbean.”
Drake set his beer down on the table then took my drink and placed it next to his. He took my hands in his. “Maeve, I’m not sorry I got upset with you, but I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”
“It’s okay. I might have slapped your ass if you did that to me.”
He chuckled.
“It’s not okay. But…” He sighed. “I have so many things to say right now, I don’t even know where to begin. First, I’m scared. I’ve been putting on a brave face but I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’m fucking scared out of my mind. I’m not ready to go.”
I tried to swallow but barely made it happen. My mouth had gone dry, so there was nothing to swallow.
“And second, I’m angry. This feels really fucking unfair. I tried. I tried to always do the right thing by other people. Definitely the people I love. I’ve never cheated. I don’t lie. I think I’m a good guy.”
“You are.”
“So I’m mad.”
I nodded. And listened. He just needed me to listen.
“Third, it’s like everything is spiraling out of control. I went from being totally independent for the past twelve years, maybe more in some ways, to living with two moms in my girlfriend’s house. I know it’s for the best but I don’t feel like I’m in charge anymore.”
“We don’t have to live there…”
“I’m just airing out my feelings. I do want to live there. Everyone in one place? It’s for the best. I know. And I can always escape to my apartment if I need to. It’s hard not to be putting an offer on the place down the road, though.”
Just a few weeks ago we’d been house hunting. Right here in Venice.
“Anyway, believe it or not, your mom imparted a bit of wisdom before I left, and I think she was right. I think me not wanting to see my dad was about control. One big thing I could control was not seeing him. Not accepting his help or having to deal with him refusing it? I don’t think that’s the big deal. I just wanted to be able to tell all of you what was happening for once.”
That made perfect sense to me. People needed to feel in control to feel safe.
“Turns out control isn’t that fun anyway. It drove me to stupidity.”
I eased his hands around either side of my waist and leaned into him. The air cooled around us, but the heat of his core kept me warm. He leaned down and brushed his nose against mine. I closed my eyes, taking in every electric spark between us, every connection we’d made. God, I loved this man.
