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31
Last night,in some ways, had felt like the first day of my life.
It was morning in our master suite. Maeve stirred next to me and began her eyes-closed, half-asleep stretching routine where she eased oxygen into her body. As I shifted myself into a more upward position, waking, too, I admired what I’d been able to offer. For one of the first times, I let myself feel good about having earned on my music and being able to spend on my fiancée.
My fiancée. It was a strange word, and I didn’t want to use it.
“Let’s get married this week. In Vegas.”
She opened one eye. “What? That’s… wow… I haven’t even had a cup of coffee.” Now both were open. She crawled up the length of my torso, embracing me.
“Everyone is here. We can skip out on this place in a few days. The Nakiki crew has the week scheduled out for family time. Your brother took the week off.”
“He told me he was only coming for a few days.”
I tossed her the look that reminded her I was in charge of this surprise.
She hugged my chest. “So, are you actually asking me or telling me?”
“Hmm. Good question.” I considered the word fiancée again. “Asking with a hint of demand.”
She giggled.
“Don’t you think we should do it soon?” I kissed her cheek.
Maybe it was too early in the morning for her brain to function the way mine was. I was switched on all the time. Even my dreams had become vivid. Maybe she didn’t want to think about the things that were becoming more and more comfortable for me to face every day. Either way, she paused.
Which was why I had to lead this charge. “I don’t want to wait. Shit, even if I didn’t have this disease, I wouldn’t want to wait. Long engagements are seriously unromantic.”
“Yeah, but time to buy a dress isn’t.”
“If I told you I have a dress for you, would you say yes?”
“Do you?”
“No, but I’m trying to gauge your level of resistance. And I already know what I want you to wear.”
She inched further up my torso until we were face to face. “I need coffee.”
“I need you to say yes. What is it? Tell me. Is it the Vegas thing? Because I looked, and it’s not all about the shotgun weddings anymore, getting married by Elvis.”
“It’s not that.”
I waited.
“It’s just making me feel like everything is… urgent. That’s all. And I need coffee.”
I kissed her forehead and ruffled her hair, something I’d never done before but had always wanted to. I half expected her to swat my hand the way I might have if someone ruffled mine.
“That’s something we have to accept, Fairy.” I sighed. “There are so many things we need to talk about. Like what about my back catalog of songs. A will.”
“A will? For fuck’s sake, Drake. It’s first thing in the morning…” she half joked but began shifting out from underneath the duvet.
I yanked her back by the arm gently, and she fell back into me. “Babe, we need to talk about these things. Not because I’m being morbid. I just… I need to be able to say what’s on my mind. I think the worst thing that could happen for me, for either of us, would be if we pretend this isn’t happening. First, I’d suffocate under the pressure of living a lie, second, I don’t want to leave any loose ends. And the joyful stuff? I want to do it while I’m feeling up for it.”
I ran my fingers through my hair then smoothed a finger along her pale, lithe arm. “Plus, the word fiancée sucks, but ‘wife’? It’s almost as good as ‘Fairy.’”
She kissed my lips then laid the entire length of her body over mine. Skin to skin, this was my happy place. I floated my fingers along her spine, her delicate skin. Her head on my chest, I wondered if she listened and could hear how my heart stayed alive just for her.
