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8
TSCHENKAR
I’d just barely gotten me trousers back on when I heard another bloody scream.
It was Julia. No doubt. I already was running. Why hadn’t Eve screamed too?
When I got to the car I expected to see pirates, but all I saw was Julia crying up against her car, and Eve patting her on the back.
“The fuck?” I asked.
“Engineer wants to butcher the ‘69 Humper.”
Eve looked at me and nodded.
“I don’t follow.”
“I need a few parts to make you a weapon,” Eve said.
Julia cried louder.
I put a finger to my lips and hissed a loud “shhhh,” which was the human way of telling people to shut the fuck up without being too big a cunt about it.
From the way Julia glared at me, I wondered if that particular custom had made it to Eden, because that woman’s eyes were looking at me like she thought I was a real cunt.
“It’s,” I stammered, “it’s to rescue Cleopatra. I’m a scion. Basically an alien king, Bartender, once we meet up with my people, I’ll make sure whatever needs to happen can happen to get you another ‘69 Eve Humper.”
“Another one won’t be this one,” she said.
“Can you un-butcher the fucking car, Eve?” I asked, feeling exasperated. “You realize your friend is off in the woods with some rapist pirates, right?”
“Do it,” Julia said. “Do it fast. I can’t watch.”
Julia left, Engineer Eve went straight to work.
There was a hiss. Part of the car opened up. Eve worked meticulously, but efficiently. Not that I could ever do any of that shite—not yet at least—but if I were gonna do something like Eve was doing, likely I’d have just started ripping all the bits and bobs right out of that component, just throwing all the machinery into a big pile in front of me. Eve stopped and looked at everything, taking no actual action whatsoever, just making some kind of mental schematic in her head—like something the Hivemind used to send me—but she was doing this all without any Hivemind. She was just a fucking amazing woman all around, I realized, from her ass to her pussy to her tits, all the way to that big beautiful brain of hers.
She smiled as she slid one of the condenser thingies into one of the thrust field bobs. Yeah, her smile was fucking amazing too, wasn’t it?
It didn’t take her long—maybe ten or fifteen minutes. I’d had to help her some. Not with any of the brain stuff. She’d occasionally just say “Lift this,” and point to something. Sometimes she had to explain to me how to grip something to slide it out a certain way. She only did it for the really heavy bits and bobs though, the stuff I doubted a human male could even lift, like a big fucking box-shaped thing that weighed a lot more than Eve did.
She was fast though. And efficient. That time she’d spent just thinking without tearing everything out had been worth it, because not twenty minutes later she had something that looked a lot like a weapon, and she’d done it without destroying the car. Once she closed the compartment again, the car looked fine. Not destroyed at all. Julia would be relieved.
“Here,” she said, pointing at the thing, which was basically the big heavy box thing with coils attached to it.
The coils were those condenser coil things Bartender Julia had showed me how to work. They were all lined along the back of the box. On the front was something that looked like the long end of a gun.
“At least it looks pretty,” a voice said from the edge of the trees.
I looked up and saw Julia, forcing a smile and looking at the wicked thing in my hands.
“How’s it work?” I asked.
“Well,” Eve said, “like anything whipped up in a few minutes in the field, it might not actually work.”
“We’re running out of time,” I said, “so let’s just be perfectly fucking optimistic from here on out. All right, Love? I ask again: How does it work?”
“Point it at that tree,” she said. “The base is the oscillator, that thing you’re pointing at the tree is a jury-rigged boson field agitator, it condenses the entire boson field—”
