Page 147 of A Town Like Clarence


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Our story starts one August day when clouds were black as mud

The weather girl on telly had announced there’d be a flood

We took it with a grain of salt—us locals know the score

We’re larrikins with balls of steel; we’ve seen it all before

Wait. He knew that voice … Kirsty! It had to be her!

Now in our town, there lives a man, the toughest of the tough

His ute’s a wond’rous marvel when he steers it through the rough

A dog atop the trayback, and a bullbar made of steel

There’s nothin’ he can’t do when he gets in behind the wheel

Hogey is his name, this bloke, a legend in these parts

A craggy sun-burnt Aussie, loves his beer, loves his darts

A genius with a spanner, car mechanic is his trade

But Hogey is a hero too; that’s just the way he’s made

Joey ran his hand through his hair. He checked his paisley shirt for fairy floss bits. Holy heck, Kirsty was back in Clarence.

He reached the front of the tent but a volunteer—Angelo’s son, maybe?—tried to bar him entry.

‘Performance in progress,’ whispered the boy. ‘We have to wait until we’re in between poems to move in and out.’

Joey knew that. It was a committee rule that he’d agreed upon, hadn’t he?

But is our hero tactful? Has he kept up with the times?

Alas, our Aussie legend … well, he’s fallen quite behind

He’s never heard of quinoa and he’s never learned to text

He’s never learned the meaning of politically correct

So on this day, down main street, zoomed a moped, aqua green

And Hogey did a double take—what’s this he’d gone and seen?

He scratched his arse, he looked to God, he stroked his grizzled jaw

He said, ‘That’s rich, some city twit, he won’t get bleeding far’

The laughter rolled through the tent. Bugger it, Joey thought. To hell with protocol; he wasn’t missing the rest of a bush poem about his own moped. He held up his lanyard. ‘Emergency committee business,’ he whispered and sidestepped around the boy until he was in the tent.

With at least eighty others. All of whom seemed to be standing in the way of him seeing the stage.

But city twits were soon forgot when Hogey heard the call

From Tim McGee, the farmer, who was known by one and all

His bull, his champion bull, eight-hundred kilos of prime beef

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