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CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Rix
The rain did not let up all night.
Jorik and I went out and shot a couple of squirrels and a grouse with our bows, enough for the next few meals, but by the time we got back, we were chilled and soaked to the bone.
Darkness settled in sooner than normal, given the low-hanging black clouds, and since we were trying to conserve our candles, we only burned one.
Haina and I took the first watch, sending the still recovering Zane to bed, along with Jorik, who didn’t seem able to get warm after our hunting trip.
“We’re in the Great Bear Rainforest area,” I said, running the pad of my thumb over the top of her soft, delicate hand as we cuddled on the couch under multiple blankets in the dark. Our weapons were at the ready on the table in front of us. “At least that’s what Doctor Jorik the Super Brain told me when we were out hunting. He said that at one point, this area used to get ten feet of rain per year. Though global warming has taken care of a lot of that.” I glanced toward the window and out into the dark night. “But I still think it gets a fuck-ton more rain than a lot of other places.”
“And it rains a lot in the spring,” Haina said.
I nodded. “Sure does.”
She heaved a sigh and rested her head against my shoulder.
Even though the reaction on her face had been far from stoic and her heart had hammered in her chest, I still wanted to know what she thought of Zane’s revelation earlier. “Did what Zane say earlier today about what will happen to us during our detox scare you?”
She glanced up at me, not removing her cheek from my shoulder. “Did it scare you?”
“Sure fucking did,” I said, blowing out a breath and shoving my fingers into my hair. “Particularly the part about how we’re going to react to you.”
She lifted her head to look at me. The haunted expression on her face was similar to the one she’d made earlier when Zane had described what would happen. It made a hollow pit form in my stomach.
She cupped my cheek, and I leaned into her soft, cool palm. “We’ll get through this.”
I shook my head gently and placed my hand over hers, closing my eyes. “The thought of wanting to hurt you … to kill you, Wildcat …” My eyes flashed open. “I couldn’t. I just … I fucking love you. But if what Zane said is true, I’m not going to be myself. The addiction will rule me. Turn me into a monster. I don’t even want to think about you seeing us like that. Of what we might do when we’re in that state.”
I wanted to run into the forest and get lost until the symptoms were gone. I’d never forgive myself if I hurt her. Or if I even scared her. She didn’t deserve any of this. She’d been forced into this life—just like we all had—but the fact that we were addicted to her blood like fucking vampires made me want to cut deep trenches into my arms and rip out my own veins.
Her whispered, “You love me?” brought me out of my loop of self-loathing.
Blinking back the tears, she smiled, even though nothing about this moment was really all that smile-worthy. Except for the fact that I was with the woman that I loved.
My frown softened. “So fucking much, baby. I’d do anything for you.”
Her smile widened. “I’d do anything for you, too. I … I don’t know what love is supposed to feel like. But if it’s this warmth in my chest and this possessive, protective, obsessive feeling I have toward you guys, then … I think I love you, too.”
That she’d never known love before hurt me more than any form of torture ever could. She deserved so much love. All of the love. And no matter what happened, I was determined to give that to her.
We all were.
Because I knew that Jorik and Zane, despite his miserable disposition and the fact that he still didn’t trust Haina completely, were in love with her, too.
It was impossible not to be. Her strength, her compassion, and all that fire in her belly were inspiring, and I knew the moment that I found her in the compound and took her with me that our lives would be forever intertwined. I just had no idea how tightly or intricately.
“Maybe our love will be strong enough to keep us right in the head,” I said after a moment, though there was no conviction in my voice, just false hope. I pinned my gaze on her and set my jaw firm. “I want you to shoot me, fucking kill me if I come after you, okay?”
She averted her eyes and glanced down at her lap, shaking her head so her long blonde hair shimmered over her slender shoulders in the light of the single candle. “I could never kill you. Not any of you.” Her lips twisted, and she looked up at me beneath her lashes. “Though I’m not going to lie and say I haven’tthoughtabout killing Zane. Because I sure have.”
“You’re not alone there, Wildcat.” I lobbed a half-hearted chuckle before pulling her into my lap and holding her close. I needed more of a connection with her to keep the dark thoughts at bay. She was lightness. The bright beacon of hope at the end of a bleak, desolate tunnel of despair. Her touch, her scent, her presence grounded me and reassured me in ways I’d never experienced before. In ways I’d never thought possible.
She was hope incarnate, and I wanted more of her. All of her.
Yes, we’d helped her compartmentalize her senses, and we knew that our touch grounded her, but she did the same for us. Maybe it was her blood in our veins that deepened the connection we all felt with her, and in a few days, it would be gone. But I truly believed that the connection went deeper than that, and after we were through our detox, it would still be there. The four of us were fated to be.
