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I shot a scowl at him around Rix’s body but then focused my attention back on Rix. “I didn’t mean to put you guys in more danger.”
His brows pinched, and his head shook. “Not at all, Wildcat. You’re the reason we’re all free. We owe you.” Then he did something I wasn’t prepared for at all. He scooped me up from the floor of the boat, sat down on the bench, and held me in his lap against his chest. With the inside hem of his sleeveless shirt, he wiped beneath my nose. “Just a little nosebleed. Nothing to be afraid of.” He gently encouraged me to rest my cheek against his hard chest. “Just listen to my heartbeat. Tune everything else out and regroup.”
I stiffened in his arms, but that lasted for no more than a moment.
This kind of …care… this kind of understanding and compassion was as foreign to me as touching a real pine cone, and yet the way it settled my nerves almost instantly had me slumping against him and doing as he said. All the other sounds around me began to fade into the background, and I was able to focus. I was able to breathe.
I knew I wasn’t the soulless assassin Moord had trained me to be my entire life. He’d hoped for a psychopath or at the very least a sociopath and was routinely disappointed when I showed even an ounce of emotion. Because even though I’d never seen a family, never had a family or a person to call “mine,” I still craved connection. I didn’t want to be a killer. I didn’t want to be a source. They treated me like an asset, not a human, and I rebelled against it as much as I could.
Even though I knew the scientists who took my blood and ran countless tests on me were there for a job and treated me no better than a rat in a cage, just being around them made me feel more normal, more human than when I was locked away in my room, alone with my thoughts.
I’d gone through more tutors than any other Hellcat—or so said Moord—because I couldn’t stop asking questions about the outside world. And eventually, despite their stern warnings that they weren’t allowed to tell me anything, many of them broke down and did. And that, unfortunately, was the last time I would ever see them.
My ear rested against Rix’s chest, and the slow and steady rhythm of his heart truly did begin to reorganize my senses.
I closed my eyes. The dip and lift of the oars soothed me and became a rhythm, almost working in time with Rix’s heart. I dug down deeper, and soon I heard Zane and Jorik’s hearts, too. Zane’s was beating a little faster because he was rowing, but not by much.
“Any idea where we’re going?” Rix murmured after what was probably no more than about ten minutes.
“No fucking clue,” Zane replied.
“The coastline is riddled with inlets, so I’m guessing he put the main boat in an adjacent one to avoid detection if they got caught.”
“Yeah, but right or left?” Rix asked.
I squeezed my eyes closed, even more focused on each individual heartbeat, then set them aside so they were no more than a faint hum in the back of my mind. A beautiful drum, constant and reassuring. I heard the lap of the water against the boat. The dip and drip of the oars. The breeze through the trees.
And then…
“Go left,” I whispered, smiling against Rix’s chest.
“Huh?” Zane asked, his tone harsh.
“I can hear a boat bobbing back and forth in the next bay. It’s rocking against something. Wood or a rock, perhaps. But it’s left, definitely left.” Then I snuggled deeper into Rix’s chest, kept my eyes closed, and let the calm from finally doing something helpful wash over me.
I could do this.
I’d come this far, and now more than ever, there was no turning back.
But I couldn’t do it alone.
And for the first time in my life, it seemed like I might not have to.
