AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I remember thinking my parents would be so ashamed of me, and that was—” His voice cut off then, and he let out a sharp sigh, placing his hand over the tattoo on his throat, fingers perfectly aligning with the ink, and he squeezed ever so slightly. When he spoke again, his words were thick. “That was one of the worst parts, I think.”
“What happened then?” I asked.
“The cops came before Leo and Gage even got out of the store—they’d been searching for us. We were all arrested, all processed. I was so freaking terrified they’d try me as an adult—they should’ve. I was turning eighteen in almost seven months. But your dad…” Harry blew out a breath and leveled his gaze with mine, lips pressing together. When he spoke again, reverence coated his voice, expression a little disbelieving. “He fought for me, Destelle. When I told him I didn’t know what was happening, told him the truth of all of it, he—hebelievedme. I…I still can’t believe he did that. He could’ve washed his hands of me, assumed I was lying. He gave me a second chance.”
Harry’s letter floated up in my mind, his gratitude showing through the scribbled words.
“How long were you in juvie for?” It was nearly impossible to picture him being in a place like that.
“I was supposed to be there until June, when I turned eighteen, but I—well, I had a hard time adjusting. Had a bad attitude. Nothing serious, but that bad attitude added a month. They assigned me Lily as a probation officer, making sure I’d stay on the straight and narrow.” He gave a soft scoff. “As if I’d doanythinglike that ever again. I don’t even drive over the speed limit anymore.”
I swallowed hard, thinking about my conversation with Dad earlier. “At the fundraiser—that’s why you were so upset. You recognized Dad.”
I could still picture Harry’s expression from that day in my mind’s eye, how he stared at Dad’s hand for several moments before finally taking it. How different would things have been if he’d known who my dad was all along? If Harry had known my actual last name.
Once more, a small smile flitted across Harry’s face, only lingering for a second as he traced his tattoo. “When I saw your dad, it was like all my fears came true. You were too good for me. And when I just knew you as Stella, I figured that secret wasn’t that big of a deal. It sounds stupid now.”
“You said you and Stella were more alike,” I said, recalling that conversation, and little puzzle pieces suddenly connected. “You thought she’d understand what happened. You didn’t think Destelle would.”
“I should’ve givenyoumore credit.”
Honestly, though, Ihadfreaked out. But I would have, whether I’d been dressed as Stella or not. “That’s why you wouldn’t have danced with me if I looked likeme, not Stella. Because you would’ve been afraid of telling me the truth.”
Harry let his hand fall from his throat, and my gaze caught on the ink, the elegant way it curved over his skin. “I hate myself for what I did, for doinganyof it. That’s why Jeff doesn’t talk to me anymore, because of everything that happened. I don’t blame him—I was a terrible influence for his kids. Even down to getting a stupid tattoo when I was sixteen.” He looked up at me. “For the longest time, I thought I could pretend it didn’t happen. Pretend that was a side of me that didn’t exist, a past that had been wiped away. You made Stella because you wanted to feel free. When I was with you, I felt like I could be free too. Free of my past, free of the shame and embarrassment and guilt. It wasn’t like I felt like a different person, but everything that weighed me down just wasn’t there. But thennottelling you became so…horrible.”
He’d taken the words from my brain and spoke them in a much more beautiful way. He’d described exactly what Stella was to me. A way to break free of everything that tied me down. As time went on, I realized I wasn’t a different person when I was Stella—she was still me and I was still her, justfreer. He’d literally read my mind.
“As soon as I saw your dad at the party, I panicked. It was like fate wanted me to come clean, but I knew it might mean you’d never want to see me again. You wouldn’t see me the same. Which I get.” Harry’s forehead wrinkled. “But I realized your dad would probably tell you for me, and he’d tell you to stay away from me, and that would be that. No matter how kind he was to me then, he wouldn’t have wanted you around me now.”
I couldn’t imagine being in Harry’s shoes, spotting Dad, the judge who showed him kindness when he needed it most, finding out he was my father.
“I was going to tell you,” Harry insisted, weaving his fingers together as if to keep from reaching out. “After the show at Downtown. When you came to me at Crushed Beanz and your dad hadn’t told you, I was going to come clean after the show. I know that sounds convenient, but I didn’t want to hide that part of me anymore. Not with you because you—you’re so important to me.”
My brain didn’t miss the fact that he’d used the present tense, sending my insides into a flurry of emotion.
“When I thought about where I wanted to be in a few months, I always saw you,” he went on, chest starting to rise and fall faster. “And I never wanted to risk it.”
Goosebumps skittered along my skin, an involuntary shiver slipping down my spine. “You saw me in your future?”
“Front row at every gig. My Dial and Dine delivery driver. The girl I could sing to, singwith. I could be myself with you.” Harry reached up once more and traced his tattoo. “And I’d be there for you when you wanted to explore the world, riding shotgun, snacks in hand. Writing more songs about you, because I’ve an endless supply of inspiration. Dancing with you without a care in the world. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I—I ruined it, anyway.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Maybe it was because emotions flooded me: apprehension, caution, happiness, nervousness. He’d really struck me speechless, and I gaped at him, overwhelmed.
“It was the worst mistake of my life. The biggest regret. I just surrounded myself with people who were bad influences. It’s easy to see that now, now that I’ve finally got good people in my life.” He took a deep breath in and then let it out slowly, as if to reset his thoughts. “I should’ve told you the truth, Destelle. You deserved to know the truth from the very beginning. I can’t apologize enough, but I’m so, so sorry.”
The words were a signature on a letter, a period on a sentence, the end of his explanation. It all finished withI’m so, so sorry.After everything, my body felt tight and heavy, as if I’d been walking for hours and someone finally offered the chance to sit down. The house had blended into the background while Harry spoke, and even now, when he finished and looked at me, I still couldn’t focus on any detail.
It was the biggest mistake of his life. His biggest regret. He’d been in a bad situation with bad people. Been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mom and Dad had seen so many cases of that exact situation. Victim of circumstance.
My brain, for several moments, was at war, divided cleanly down the middle.
Harry participated in a crime—there was no denying that. But he hadn’tknowinglydone it. He hadn’t walked into that gas station with a gun in his hand. He hadn’t pointed it at the clerk. He hadn’t even taken the soda.
Harrywasarrested, but only because he opted to stick around and face the consequences.
For a split second, his past was a whole separate entity between us, like a clear wall. I could see him through it, but was unsure about jumping over it. Unsure about him.
My eyes fell to his tattoo, to the black lines. He was a boy with a kind smile, a beautiful voice. He was a boy with messy handwriting who texted in perfect grammar and prided himself on doing things the right way. The boy who hadn’t batted an eye when I revealed the truth about Stella.
