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Dad, though, didn’t mind clinging to this moment, and let his silence linger in the air. Maybe he was mulling over my words and the venom I’d laced in them. Maybe he was trying to come up with an apt punishment. Maybe he was thinking he forgot to put deodorant on—I had no clue. “We want you to have a good life.”
“There’s not one road to a good life,” I pointed out, feeling hopelessness rise in me. “College doesn’t equal a good life. Fundraisers and parties and money don’t equal a good life. That’s whatyouwant. But what about me? What doIwant?”
He watched me, obviously taken aback by my words. Probably surprised by how firm my voice was. I was almost positive I’d never spoken to him that way before. I would’ve died at the thought.
I wondered if he even knew what I truly wanted.
The longer the silence hung in the air, the more helpless I felt. There was no changing his mind, no getting either parent to listen to me. To actuallyhearme. It was like pounding my fists on a door when no one was even home.
“How long have you been parading around like this?” he asked. “How long have you been lying about where you’re going? How long have you been—” He fumbled for the words. “—dressing up like a character?”
A character. Of course, he couldn’t even fathom how important thatcharacterwas to me. He hadn’t even asked. “Awhile.”
“Destelle,” Dad began, and then let out a sigh. Now that the trial was over, it was time for the sentencing. I knew the verdict before he opened his mouth. “You’re grounded. You’re only to go here, school, and any volunteer opportunities your mother sets up. Nowhere else. No seeing Margot, no seeing Harry. Not until we decide when, and I—I wouldn’t expect it to be soon.”
“Harry’s gig is tonight. He’s playing for the first time at a place outside of Hallow.” My hands instinctively clenched, and I imagined forcing my hand through a wall. “Downtown, it’s a place in Bayview—”
“If this had been a one-time occurrence, Destelle, we could’ve waited until tomorrow to ground you.” Dad rubbed his hand over his forehead again, as ifhewere the one in pain with this punishment. “But you’ve been lying to us for weeks. Possibly longer. We can’t condone it.”
“Harry’s gig is tonight,” I repeated, that freaking quiver in my voice making me angry. A bomb started ticking in my chest, a timer running out until I finally exploded.
“I know.” Dad’s lips turned down in a frown. “And you’re not allowed to go.”
Boom.
My heart pounded like a drumbeat in my ears, the rushing of blood loud. It was like an Untapped Potential song in my body. A shot of heat rippling across my chest, a lyric of pain in my jaw, a strum of resentment taking root. My father sat across the desk, his own expression stoic, neutral, and it only made me more furious.
“I’m not a doll,” I told him, trying to control my voice, but the emotional quality of it snuck through. “I’m not a doll in a dollhouse you can prance around.”
“I know that, Destelle.”
I took a step away from him, wanting to get as far as possible. “No. You don’t.”
When I hauled open his study door, nearly letting it crash into the wall, I found Mom standing on the other side. She’d obviously been listening. Her eyes met mine, and where I thought I’d find a triumphant expression, I only found blankness. Emptiness. She hid her thoughts from me, but I couldn’t have cared less.
“One day,” I said to her darkly, voice shaking with the threat of tears that took residence in my eyes, “when I don’t come home for holidays and never call you on your birthday, think of this moment.”
And then I barreled past her. When I pushed farther into the hallway, I saw Nellie and Jamie standing in the doorway of the living room, both of them looking at me. I didn’t even give them a second glance.
Without another word, I took the stairs two at a time, stupid tears already tracking down my cheeks.
