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“I’m sorry, sweetie … it’s a sensitive subject for me, and I have my reasons for not wanting one, okay? I’m sorry I raised my voice.”
“No, no it’s okay, Dad. Really. I shouldn’t have intruded.”
“No. it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have raised my voice like that. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just thinking of me—thank you for that.” His smile melted away the tension.
Emily reciprocated with a smile of her own, and the two of them discussed their plans for the week while they finished up breakfast.
A honking horn caught their attention. It was followed by muffled screams of excitement from Emily’s companions as they arrived at the front of the house and called out to her.
“That would be Melanie, and the girls” Emily said with a bittersweet look on her face.
“It’s okay. You go. I’ll be here when you get back. Just go and have fun with your friends.” Stephen said getting up from his chair and going to assist Emily, even though he needed more assistance than she did.
“I’ll call you when we get to the resort, okay?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Stephen pushed her lightly toward the front door.
Maybe it hadn’t hit her until that moment that this would be her first time out of the country, that they would be so far apart. Stephen had always kept a watchful eye over her while raising her on his own, and although it annoyed her most of the time, she admitted after she’d matured and gone out into the world that she was grateful for it. Stephen knew he was overprotective at times, but he also allowed Emily to make decisions on her own and to be independent.
As a single parent, he had no choice but to step up and do the work of two. He knew the pain of losing Ana must have been worse for Emily, who never got the chance to know what a beautiful and amazing woman her mother had been. Stephen found it difficult at times of course, as any single parent would, but he motivated himself by asking himself, What would Ana do? Often enough, it would be an overly ambitious idea, but Stephen nonetheless did his best to pull it off.
Of course, raising a child is never easy, especially in the adolescent years, let alone raising a child alone and of the opposite gender. This led to a number of awkward situations and arguments that left both sides of the Clark household confused and frustrated. But, as any other well-bonded parent and child, they got through these moments and came out of them better for it.
One of the hardest conversations Stephen and Emily had begun when she applied to universities. As with most girls who grow up in a small town, Emily wanted to go to a school in a big city out of state so she could take in sights she’d never seen and meet new people with points of view she’d never heard before. Her curiosity fueled this passion to leave home, and although it broke Stephen’s heart to not have her within driving distance, he gave in so she could have her own adventures.
Emily, however, became homesick almost as soon as she left, and the rose-tinted view of a big-city university faded after a few weeks away. She missed the little room that was just hers. She missed her bed, the backyard, her friends, and even her little town center but, most of all she missed her father.
Emily held onto the doorframe to stop her father from pushing her out the door.
Stephen looked into his daughter’s eyes and saw the worry that filled them. He smiled at her, this time more genuinely, hoping it would help melt her fears. Only later would he learn that he might have misinterpreted the look on Emily’s face. He’d been so obsessed with suppressing his feelings, he was less sensitive to the feelings of those around him.
When Emily posted herself against the doorframe, she wasn’t worried that her father would be on his own; she was worried about herself. She was afraid of what might happen on a journey that for the first time would take her so far from the man who’d protected and guided her throughout her life. Although this trip was supposed to be a vacation, it had added an unanticipated fear to her life, one she’d never known she had. At least that is what Stephen eventually came to believe.
“Whoa! Come on Em!” Emily’s friends shouted from the car. “A little beach called paradise is calling us and you’re making us wait!”
She turned sharply and held up an index finger to her friends, asking them to wait.
“I guess I better go.”
Instead of replying, Stephen continued to smile, hoping that it would dispel any misgivings she had about her trip.
Emily smiled back, and it appeared his strategy had worked. His smile had the inexplicable gift of comforting those who were lucky enough to see it—at least it did when given enough time.
“I love you, Dad.” Emily gave her father a kiss on the cheek and finally abandoned the doorway. She built up speed until she was crossing the lawn at a light run, both of her pieces of luggage in hand. A chorus of high-pitched screams greeted her when she got into the car.
As the four girls drove off, Stephen saw Emily turn and wave goodbye to him before the car faded from view.
“I love you too,” he said to himself, waving lightly to the rear end of the car.
Stephen stood on his stoop until he could no longer see the car. Then he took a deep breath and looked around the street. It couldn’t have been any later than eight, but the Texas sun beamed brightly enough to get him sweating. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. Before heading back inside, he checked the mailbox next to the door. He wasn’t sure why. It was far too early for anything to have been dropped off. Maybe he hoped Emily had left him a note or maybe he missed a letter the previous day. While he didn’t understand why he decided to perform such a useless act, but it stuck in his memory for years.
After Stephen had gone inside, he cleaned up what was left of breakfast. He then went about his daily post-early retirement routines—of taking his medicine and then sitting on the couch watching mindless television programs, an activity that was occasionally interrupted by either his bladder or the unexplainable urge to step outside and walk around his yard.
Stephen had been forced into early retirement by an injury he’d sustained at work where he fell from a scaffolding roughly two stories, making him unable to perform the tasks of a construction worker and putting him on disability for the remainder of his days. It also left him with a slight limp. Initially, Stephen hated the thought of sitting around doing nothing all day, but he became used to it and found joy in the beautiful little moments that life showed him each day.
He took up analyzing the smallest details, such as the thread patterns in the throw blankets he used or the veins that ran through the petals of the tulips he grew in the garden that Emily had helped him plant. He found these tiny particulars to be exquisite, and he believed they gave him a much-needed lift whenever Emily wasn’t around. He enjoyed learning new things and experiencing the tiniest of moments. Following doctor’s advice, he’d walk as much as he could, usually sticking to his property line, but occasionally, when his leg didn’t feel too bad, Stephen would go for walks around the block as well. He fell in love with life even though it had taken almost everything from him and had caused him so much undeserved pain.
The day Emily left for vacation wasn’t much different. Stephen continued his micro-analysis of the objects he encountered throughout the day. After the television programs bored him, he fell asleep on the couch, only to be woken by hunger around noon. He plucked a random book from among the plethora of novels he’d amassed over the years at yard and library sales. Stephen had thrown himself so much into this novel however that he completely lost track of time and read through the remainder of the day right up until the point where he was fighting with his own fatigue, eventually succumbing, and taking himself to bed.
