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His father put his hand out, stopping his son.
“No, it’s not okay. That was not okay for me to do. A man should never put a hand on a child like that, and you didn’t do anything wrong. That—that’s just a sensitive subject for me because I didn’t feel like a man at that time, son. And I don’t feel like a man after hitting you either.” Stephen’s father told him as he crouched lower to be able to speak to Stephen at eye level.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but I hope I can make it up to you.”
Stephen sniffled. “Do you think I can play with you guys tonight?” Tears began to fill his eyes.
“You want to play poker?” his father asked with a little laugh.
Stephen nodded as he rubbed his eyes. “I’ve heard you and your friends talk about how it’s a man’s game, and I figured if I want to be a man, then I have to learn how to play too.”
His father dropped his head and it bobbed as he let out a relieved laugh. He looked back up at his son and smiled. “Sure, buddy, you can play with us tonight.”
That was the first time Stephen could remember seeing a genuine smile on his father’s face.
* * *
“What were your parent’s names?”
Stephen was peering into his lap while playing with the chains of his cuffs. “My mother’s name was Amelia,” he said with a fondness in his voice.
“And what about your father?” I asked, noticing that he’d skipped over half of my question.
“That’s not important,” he said in a sharp but hushed tone.
I felt a tension between us that hadn’t been there previously. I gave Stephen a moment to cool down. He hadn’t snapped at me, but I could see that my question about his father had made him the slightest bit annoyed. The last thing that I wanted to do was agitate a murderer who, on the day of his execution, was three feet away from me.
After collecting myself and allowing Stephen a breather, I continued with my questioning. “Did you enjoy playing poker that night?”
“Yeah.” He smiled with his response. “I started by just watching and slowly began to understand the difference between a good hand and a weak one. I couldn’t actually play though since it was the one game a year that my father and his friends actually played for money. I stayed quiet and analyzed them all as they played.
After that I was always allowed to sit with them. They came over to play for fun and let me play a few of their hands to see how I did. Those were some of the best moments in that house. My father and his friends would always fill it with jokes and laughter. It was a nice break from the silence of our home life,” Stephen said still smiling.
“Didn’t your parents laugh?”
“Well, yes, of course. They weren’t boring or sad. They smiled and laughed all the time, but it was a different energy when we had visitors. They added something to our lives, and my parents were able to relax for a while.”
“Would you say then that you had a happy childhood?”
“Not always.” The smile on his face disappeared.
